PornucopiaA girlfriend who’s into porn sounds like a dream come true. Our twenty-first-century rogue tells you how to deal when the gift that keeps on giving fails to deliver for you.
Illustration by Celia Calle

Q:
My girlfriend and I were looking to add a new dimension to our sex life—not so much with the actual act of sex, but doing something different to get worked up. I suggested watching porn, because I think there’s something sexy about watching other people fuck right before fucking. It’s like checking out people’s meals before ordering dinner at a restaurant. She admitted she’d never really watched porn. I grabbed my laptop, logged on to a certain magazine’s hard-core site, and pulled up some of my favorite scenes. She got into it immediately, and sex right after was fucking mind-blowing. We did it again the next few times we screwed, but I got kind of bored when it became a new routine.

Fast-forward a few weeks: I come home to find her watching my porn on her iPad. I could tell she was ready to get herself off. I confronted her about it, along with the fact that for those few weeks we hadn’t had much sex. She admitted that the first porn viewing “set off a trigger,” and she can’t stop watching, working herself into a lather, and fingerbanging herself. How do I get back in the game?

A:
Here’s a scenario that’s some what similar: A friend of mine loves golf. He’d play every day if his schedule and wallet would allow. He didn’t get to hit the links as much as he wanted because he was often doing boring (yet sometimes necessary) relationship shit with his girlfriend. He came up with the brilliant (to him) idea of taking his girlfriend golfing with him. She loved it, but now, he can’t play without her asking to join his foursome. Guess what? He fucking hates golf now.

Porn is your golf. You introduced her to something, she likes it, and now you’ve got to live with the consequences. Of course, you didn’t know she’d go all teenage boy on you and fuck herself silly with the door locked for nine hours a day. That said, since you were looking to add something to your sex life, things were bound to change. It just happened to change for the worse.

Here is the real issue you’re missing: Sex with you isn’t great. You said from the start that you wanted to add a “new dimension,” which is a fancy way of saying “shit’s getting old.” She probably feels the same way. The porn not only gets her off, but it’s also a way of getting out of screwing you without being left horny. My advice is to get better at sex, or at least introduce new moves, locations, or insertion spots to the menu. Bang her so good she won’t need to watch fuck flicks.

Or, you can change your password.

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