Kiss Off!

Q:
I just started dating a new girl and I am totally into her. I don’t want to screw this one up before I have sex with her, but I have a few important questions. First, I have this sexual secret—when do you think I should reveal it? And what is the best way to do it? Second, she doesn’t like to kiss. She says she doesn’t like the wetness on her lips and the texture of tongues. Is that an indication that she is really not into me? Or does it mean she had a negative sexual experience with kissing? Perhaps she was molested as a child or even worked in the sex industry? It makes me wonder if she is or was a prostitute, because they don’t like to kiss.

A:
Let’s start with that secret. Whether and how soon you should reveal it to her obviously depends on what it is. If the secret concerns your sexual health, you should probably reveal it. If you have an STD, you should absolutely reveal it before things progress past kissing and petting. On the other hand, if your secret deals with some psychological issue, such as some sexual experience or preference, I would wait. For example, if you get off on having your toes sucked, wait until she develops some attachment to you before breaking it to her. There are a lot of ways to let her in on it—from the simple “There is something I need to tell you” if the secret deals with a medical issue or serious matter to playing Truth or Dare if it has to do with your sexual preference.

To answer your second question, there are numerous reasons why some one may be averse to kissing. She may have had a bad experience, or perhaps she is a germaphobe. She may be concerned about her breath (or yours), or she may have some sensory issues (like folks who are sensitive to various fabrics). Finally, there is a chance she doesn’t want to smooch you because she’s not into you. In that case, wait to see if rocking her world in the bedroom will generate some sparks and be the catalyst for better chemistry. Intimacy may also lead her to develop an attachment and sufficient trust to overcome whatever deep-seated issues she may have.

Victoria Zdrok's combination of beauty and intelligence has earned her the label as "sexpert" in many media outlets. She writes a monthly column on love, sex, and dating for Penthouse Magazine entitled "Ask Dr. Z," and a column on sexuality and the law for Penthouse Forum. She is a frequent contributor to several publications and has her own SIRIUS Satellite Radio specialty show, The Sex Connection, on Howard 101. You can find out more about Dr. Z at www.sexysexpert.com