There’s room for only a few of our favorite dirty place-names. Feel free to send in your own list.
By Reverend Jen
No matter your political beliefs or social status, every English speaking person on the planet can agree on one thing—the fact that there are villages named “Fucking,” “Anus,” and “Dildo” is funny. I don’t care how mature you are, if you don’t crack up laughing at “Anus, France,” you don’t have a soul. If any of these towns lack an explosive tourism trade, I can only say that they are badly mismanaged.
(Pronounced “fooking.”) “Fuck” is one of the seven words you can’t say on TV, and this town is spelled exactly like fuck’s present participle, so it wins No. 1. Four road signs with Fucking’s name on them are the town’s most famous feature, and are frequently stolen (Fucking’s only reported crime), at great cost to the city, causing some residents—“Fuckingers”— to consider changing the name in 2004. The majority voted against doing so, and the municipality’s mayor even stated, “Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us, Fucking is Fucking—and it’s going to stay Fucking.” Attempting, unsuccessfully, to get a quote from a Fuckinger, I asked a friend, “Do you know anyone from Fucking?” He cleverly res ponded, “Everyone comes from Fucking!” If Fucking doesn’t already have a slogan for bumper stickers, it does now.
France is a country known for its production of fabulous perfumes, and I have no doubt that Anus smells as sweet as anything Coco Chanel’s factories ever produced. For a good time, go to Booking.com and type in “Anus, France.” It will tell you it’s “searching for hotels in Anus.”
Each summer, this village celebrates Dildo Days, featuring a flotilla of decorated boats that circles the bay. In the prow of the first boat stands an effigy of an old Newfoundland sea dog named Captain Dildo. Best superhero name ever!
Wankum is a picturesque town with another heavily photographed sign. Also in Germany—a mountain called Mount Wank and a town named Weener.
Far from Wankum, Germany, there is Wankers Corner. Because it is defined as a locale, it has no post office, but it
does boast Wankers Corner Saloon & Café. I hope they take reservations!
While not the filthiest name in the bunch, I have actually been to Intercourse, so there. However, I was only six, so I had no idea how funny it would be later in life and didn’t take notes. Bottom line—Intercourse is a sleepy little Amish town that might be better served calling itself “Resolution Phase Town.” The movie Witness was filmed there, and the film For Richer or Poorer was set there. Unsurprisingly, its street signs are also frequently stolen.
Conveniently located just a few miles from Intercourse, Blue Ball is another sleepy little town. It was named after the Blue Ball Hotel, which was torn down in 1997. Finding any info on this town was almost as frustrating as blue balls themselves.
There are actually two Twatts in Scotland: one in the Shetland Islands and one in the Orkney Islands, which means double the fun. Both Twatts take their name from an Old Norse word meaning “small parcel of land.”
Sadly, from around 1850 to 1870, Nob End was used as a dumping ground for alkaline waste. The waste, known as “galligu,” was a blue sludge that smelled like bad eggs. Since then, most things have gotten better in Nob End, except its moniker.
Choosing ten wasn’t easy, because the world is full of silly place-names for which we are grateful, and none of which we should take for granted. Hence, the tenth spot will go to the “honorable mentions”: Ballplay, Tennessee; Beaverlick, Kentucky; Big Beaver, Pennsylvania; Assloss, Scotland; Bumpass, Virginia; Climax, Georgia; Cockplay, Scotland; Muff, Ireland; Pussy Creek, Ohio; and, finally, Spread Eagle, Wisconsin.