There’s nothing wrong with knocking back a few beers on your friend’s couch, but there are certain rites of drunken passage that every guy should experience. That’s why we think it’s perfectly legit to establish a bucket list solely devoted to alcoholic accomplishments. Here are 50 ideas to get you started. Cheers!
By Kara Wahlgren
Illustrations by Andrew Wislocki
Drink them just to say you did.
Absinthe. The “green fairy” has a taboo quality because of its reputation as a hallucinogen. Its rep is undeserved, but it’s worth drinking this herbal spirit for its cloudy, science-experiment appearance alone.
Moonshine. Or bathtub gin. Or, at the very least, a shot of Everclear.
Mezcal. If you don’t eat the worm, it doesn’t count.
A 40-ounce bottle of outrageously bad beer—the kind where you pay with a $5 bill and have money left over for snacks.
A bottle of outrageously expensive champagne—the kind that severely impacts your ability to pay your rent the following month.
HOLIDAYS ON ICE
Plan your year around these drinking traditions.
Reserve a table at an Oktoberfest beer tent in Munich. Arrive when it opens and stay all day, subsisting on giant pretzels, whole chickens, and liters of lager.
Do a Saint Patty’s Day pub crawl in Ireland.
Head to Amsterdam on April 30 for Koninginnedag (“Queen’s Day”), when revelers honor the royal family by wearing orange and drinking all day and night.
Celebrate Cinco de Mayo in Mexico.
Pay too much for a hotel on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras, but don’t spend any time in your room.
Visit Rio de Janeiro during Carnival.
Attend a full-moon party— basically a monthly rave—in Koh Phangan, Thailand. (But stick to alcohol, unless “serving time in a Thai prison” is on your other bucket list.)
Attend the Great British Beer Festival, held in the late summer in London, where you can sample ales, ciders, perries, and international beers with 60,000 of your closest mates.
Spend a long weekend at the Great American Beer Festival in Denver—held in late September or early October—where more than 450 breweries serve roughly 2,375 different American brews.
Observe Independence Day in the United States. Alcohol + pyrotechnics = a pretty awesome national tradition, and it’s right here in your own backyard (literally). Don’t take it for granted.
Do something you wouldn’t do sober—or at least something that’s more fun when you’re shit-faced.
Show up buzzed in a completely inappropriate setting—work, church, brunch with your in-laws—and pull it off without raising suspicions.
Run a 5K while tipsy.
Drunk-dial your mom.
Lock yourself in a hotel room, drink all night, and bang out the first chapter of an epic novel—even if you never finish it.
Lose your shirt (and pants, and briefs) in a game of strip poker.
Sleep with someone who requires you having a strong beergoggle prescription.
Sleep with someone who’s so far out of your league that you know she’s wearing beer goggles.
Dance on a table, bar, cage, or stage.
Sing “Sweet Caroline” at karaoke. Someone’s got to be the guy who does it.
Get blasted with your boss.
STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE
Trace these classic drinks back to their roots.
Drink champagne in Champagne.
Rent a limo to take you around California’s Napa Valley. Be the guy who chugs the wine and asks for seconds (and thirds) in the tasting room.
Find a restaurant or bar with an amazing view of the Amalfi Coast and nurse a limoncello.
Drink a Margarita in Mexico (but skip the ice, for Montezuma’s sake).
Drink sake in Japan.
Visit the brewery, distillery, or vineyard that produces your favorite poison.
Drink a Caipirinha in Brazil.
Sip a Guinness at a pub in Dublin.
Order a Mint Julep at the Kentucky Derby.
Make a pilgrimage to the Weihenstephan Abbey in Germany, believed to be the oldest operating brewery in the world. (They were growing hops back in 768. And no, we didn’t leave off a digit.)
Everybody needs a good story to tell.
Do a body shot off a girl who’s too hot to give you the time of day under sober circumstances.
Leave an astronomical tip for a bartender.
Learn how to pour a frothless glass of beer.
Crash a wedding and hit the open bar hard.
Concoct a foolproof hangover cure, whether it’s the perfect hair-of-the-dog drink or an amazing breakfast sandwich.
Buy a round for everyone at a bar.
Open and close a bar.
Get kicked out of a bar.
Volunteer to be the designated driver for a wild night out. Just once. Your bros will think you’re a hero, bars usually give you free (virgin) drinks, and you’ll be clearheaded enough to take amazing blackmail photos.
Wake up with a tattoo you don’t remember getting—real or Sharpie.
FUN AND GAMES
Once you’ve mastered the art of consumption, try these five ways to put your skills to the test.
Power Hour. Take a swig of alcohol every minute for an hour. (We feel the need to warn you that this can add up to 60 ounces or more of beer. That’s five bottles. If that’s going to flatten you, save yourself the ER visit and bail, or save it for last on your list, just in case.)
Edward Fortyhands. Duct-tape a 40-ounce beer to each hand. The bottle stays until you finish the beer.
Sip or strip. Flip a coin and call it in the air. If you’re right, pass it to the next player. If you’re wrong, do a shot or remove a piece of clothing. Play as long as you want; everyone’s a winner.
Movie games. Make up your own game based on what you’re watching. Drink every time someone says “Vegas” in The Hangover, every time Mitch rubs his nose in Dazed and Confused, every time a spell is cast in Harry Potter, every time someone gets a makeover in a chick flick. (Bonus: This makes any movie infinitely more tolerable.)
Beer pong. Everybody and their grandmother has played this. Hell, you might have actually played this with your grandmother. Consider it a freebie—something you checked off the list before you even knew you had a list.