If you spend any time in clubs, you know it can be brutal out there. But a few lucky guys have a secret weapon: She’s 29, fun, and smoking hot.
By Bobbi Dempsey
MEET MARNI KINRYS, THE ORIGINAL “WING GIRL” AND CREATOR OF THE WING GIRL METHOD for picking up women. She helps guys get girls by providing inside information. As she puts it, “I don’t tell men how women should act, I tell them how they do act.” For example, she can clue you in on signs that a woman is a tease (one giveaway: If she never makes direct comments about your looks she’s not really into you, she’s just amusing herself).
Kinrys has been called a pickup artist, and though she doesn’t agree with the label, she is proud of the work she does. She avoids the tackier methods that are common among her colleagues, like using backhanded compliments to make women insecure, and thus easier prey. “It gives the pickup-artist industry a bad name.”
WHAT SHE DOES
Kinrys is known for her ability to zero in on a guy’s sticking points within a few minutes. She helps guys figure out their dating problems and fix them, fast. That’s what happened with Mike. He tells us, “Marni was able to correctly pick up in a matter of minutes, over the phone from my voice tonality, how I was coming across, and she articulated it to me in a way that I could understand.”
Mike says Kinrys taught him—in very clear terms—how to be direct and ask for what he wants with women. She also bluntly pointed out the missteps that had become a pattern for him, like his tendency to “interview” a woman, instead of having a fun conversation with her.
TIPS FROM A PRO
Kinrys has simple advice for guys who want to step up their game.
1. Play the odds. She says one of the biggest mistakes is just not getting out there. “If you engage ten people every day, a rejection is easy to brush off. But if you only approach one woman a month, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.”
2. Don’t stress. Anxiety is more likely to rear its ugly head if you don’t fit the stereotypical “stud” image. Here’s a secret: Kinrys says women like brainy guys and nerds. “Smart men who are also good guys have the full package,” she says. “A genuine, authentic character will trump looks and ‘bad boy’ qualities almost every time.”
3. Act interested, not obsessive. Keep things light and fun. “I like to banter with a guy who can walk away at any moment, not someone who’ll be hanging there for an hour,” says Kinrys. In other words, don’t make the woman feel like your entire life hangs in the balance of whether or not she’ll have a drink with you. As Mike says, “I learned from Marni that women want a guy who is self-respecting from the beginning. Ideally, a guy walks up to her, tells her what he wants, and either she comes along with him or not, and he’s okay with that.”
4. Be yourself. Kinrys believes men should be confident, casual, and—most of all—real. She once practiced mock pickups with a guy who told a long story involving a motorcycle. Finally she asked, “Is this a bullshit story?” The man admitted he had learned it in a course—he’d been told women would think the motorcycle was cool. Kinrys ordered him to retire the bullshit approach and helped him figure out an authentic story, which ended up getting him much better results.
5. Be nice—but not too nice. “Don’t be a jerk. Don’t be an asshole,” says Kinrys. “But be clear about what you want or you could be stuck in the ‘friend zone.’ Take the lead and be a man. If you’re just looking for a fun night, be up-front and say so.”
- Do not continue to hang out with a woman
you like who “just wants to be friends,” thinking
she’ll one day turn around. If you want to be
friends, be friends. But if you want to bang her,
there’s no room to “just be friends.”
- Do not be a shoulder to cry on for a woman
you’re pursuing. If she’s having issues with her
boyfriend, tell her to break up with him and then
come see you. Don’t provide the attention she
needs unless you’re getting all the benefits.
- Do not agree to go shopping with a woman.
The one exception: She’s buying lingerie that
she’ll be modeling for you.
WHY DO YOU NEED A WING GIRL?
Kinrys coaches guys all over the world by phone or Skype, but she’s best known for her “in the field outing” service, where she and an equally attractive female coworker go out for a night at the clubs with a client. What can a pair of wing girls do that your friends, who hang out with you for free, can’t? For one thing, strolling in with two hot babes makes a guy seem a lot less desperate. More important, it says you’ve already gotten the female stamp of approval. “We validate men to other women,” says Kinrys. “They’re already safe, so women want them.”
Plus, the wing girls handle the first move for you. Like a pair of gorgeous bird dogs, they scour the club, approach women who might interest you, and bring them to you. They also provide instant feedback on your techniques—before you crash and burn. “Wing girls can swoop in and save guys if anything starts going off course,” says Kinrys. They can also offer unique, real-time insight into your targets. “We analyze women on the spot, and can size up how she’s feeling, what she’d be open to.”
Does Kinrys’s approach work? Ask Mike. He readily admits he desperately needed help in the dating department. He’s five foot eight, in his late thirties, and rarely does the bar scene. Oh, yeah, he also drives a ten-year-old Dodge. (He swears he’s financially successful, but frugal.) After ending a two-year relationship, Mike went through an extended dry spell—until an internet search led him to Kinrys. The results? He’s dated 25 women this year, including a few he met at the grocery store. “I go to Safeway to pick up some fresh produce and some fresh meat,” he jokes. “I’m having fun. In about a third of my first dates, I’m making out and/or holding hands by the end.”