Pick the Right Girl
You need to figure out how to separate the sex-flexible from the relationship-rigid. It’s all a matter of looking in the right places, reading cues correctly, and being open to thinking differently. There are women all around you who want sex. But beware the deadly decade, between the ages of 26 and 36. I’m generalizing, but these women want nothing more than to couple and spawn like salmon. It’s not their fault; it’s biology. While there are certainly women in that age range who want you for nothing more than your rock-hard cock, most of them want you with a rock-hard diamond, preferably a large one.
Look for women who are looking for men like you, and that means embracing the world of online “dating.” Use your city’s Craigslist, or join a dating site. Here’s what to pack for your trip: pictures of yourself (dressed and undressed, only to be provided upon request), a well-written profile, a readiness to respond to women’s profiles with witty prose, and a go-get- ‘em attitude. Sure, working the online hookup can feel like a drag, but at least you’ve got a pool of women who, like you, are seeking sex with out attachment.
Regardless of how you find the woman in question, you need to spend some time reading her cues. Chicks who are really interested in a long-term romance will ask you questions about your job, your employment history, and whether you own or rent, buy or lease. Chicks who just want to fuck you won’t bother. Pay attention to the questions she’s asking to get a sense of what she wants from you. Then be honest with yourself about whether you can provide it.
Expand Your Horizons
As strange as it may seem, many women who are interested in you for sex and sex only will identify themselves as feminists. Because today’s feminists take responsibility for their own sexuality, and they’re interested in having really good sex on their own terms. Far from being the stereotypical man-hater, these chicks want to have hot, commitment-free sex with a man like you. And if all you’re looking for is promiscuous, naughty fun, you can consider the world your buffet table. There’s no reason why, as long as you’re honest, you can’t enjoy women you hadn’t thought of pursuing before. Tall, short, plump, skinny, old enough to be your mother, young enough to be your daughter: If they’re conscious, consenting, and of legal age, they’re yours for the asking.
Be Polite and Say Please
I had a fuck buddy named Alex. He looked like Jake Gyllenhaal and was very successful in whatever arcane branch of fi nance he was in. But he had horrible manners, he blew me off without a phone call, and after I broke it off with him, he would e-mail me, begging me to fuck him. But he was hot, so I tolerated him for as long as I could before dumping his well-sculpted ass.
Like Alex, you might not know proper manwhore etiquette. Do you sleep over or not? Do you have to call the next day? What if you leave something at a girl’s apartment and you don’t want to see her again? I urge you to consider what Emily Post would do, if she were a dude enjoying indiscriminate sex with lots of women she’d just met. Don’t be like Alex; be considerate. If you can’t make the date, call. If she tells you she’s done with you, respect that and
move on.
And to answer the questions above: Sleep over if you want and she lets you, but never kick her out of your bed; absolutely call to be nice, but don’t feel you have to stay on the phone long; and consider anything left behind in a cost-benefit analysis: If it’s something you can’t live without, make arrangements to get it back; otherwise, let it go.
And it’s always gentlemanly to wear a condom. Condoms may be annoying, but you have to wear one, and don’t whine about it. When you know you’re going to have sex, you should have both latex and non-latex condoms as well as lube on hand. And ask before bringing any of these things to a girl’s bed: porn, sex toys, bondage equipment, and other people.
When to Say When and How to Say It
Postcoital cuddling is part and parcel of moral manwhoredom. It’s absolutely correct to bring closure to sex with hugging, kissing, touching, and other forms of canoodling. Having sex without the figurative ties that bind (though perhaps with the literal) doesn’t mean you can’t embrace the intimacy. But when you want to break it off with a chick, do it as you’ve done everything else, honestly, respectfully, and with a gentle yet firm hand. You don’t have to do it in person, but at least do it over the phone, not in a text or e-mail, or on a Post-it note or message board. Thank her for her caring, tell her you’ve enjoyed yourself, but make it clear that you’re not going to be seeing her in the future. Don’t give excuses, and you don’t have to answer her recriminations. Just exit gracefully. Do not be a pussy by just ignoring her calls. Be a man and do it right.
From Player to Boyfriend
You may find that you fuck around and fall in love. Bravo! Now take a deep breath and make sure you’re ready for commitment, before announcing it to your potential girlfriend and all the women you fuck for fun.
During a time when I was sleeping around, I dated a guy named John who neglected to mention that he was, in fact, a manwhore. Our relationship progressed like typical dating relationships do, we hung out, and eventually we slept together. I didn’t know that John had been fucking a lot of women, and I didn’t know that he was giving up his happy manwhore life to commit to me. When John broke it off with all the women he was fucking, then realized what he’d done, he freaked out and dumped me, too. And, yeah, he did it by e-mail.
Don’t be like John. If you think you want a relationship, take your time. And don’t give a big good-bye kiss to all the other women until you’re sure, and wait until you know your potential
girlfriend is on the same page.
Being moral is never easy. Like other important choices a person makes every day, what to eat for lunch, which tie to wear, whether to shower, choosing to live ethically, sexually and otherwise, is something you choose to do over and over again. But weigh a lifetime of moral fucking choices against living like a fucking bastard and you’ll see that it’s worth it. There’s nothing like feeling good after. It’s a long life; enjoy it your own moral way.
Chelsea Summers lives, writes, and has sex in New York. Her work has appeared in New Woman, Scarlet magazine, and on her blog, PrettyDumbThings.typepad.com.
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