If you long for the open road and like to roll on two wheels, there are a couple of ways to go. You can buy a full-boat touring bike that’s just slightly smaller than a cruise ship, or you can go with something smaller that’s not really designed for coast to coast runs but can be loaded down with ample accessories.

Victory Motorcycles has addressed your travel jones by designing a brace of cruisers that are suitable for comfortable travel, while at the same time not so cumbersome that motoring around in heavy traffic is a pain. The Victory Cross Roads and its slightly larger sibling, the Cross Country, are beautifully stylish machines that use the company’s impressive engineering to deliver a great riding experience—whether you’re traveling five miles to the barbecue joint or 1,500 to Daytona Beach. Both bikes are powered by a very torque-happy 1,731-cc air- and oil-cooled Freedom V-twin, which is Victory’s big-bore trademark engine and features four-valve heads and electronic fuel injection. This mill can be found on Victory’s most powerful bikes, and in this 92-horsepower application it’s specially tuned for two up touring duty, thanks to an all-new split dual exhaust with a hydroformed crossover pipe. The transmission is a six speed, and in top gear drops the rpms down for smooth, effortless highway cruising. This big V-twin is loaded with character and muscle, and very satisfying to crank open coming out of corners no matter what gear you’re in.

Both bikes are built on a 65.7-inch wheelbase and feature an innovative frame design that delivers the strong foundation that a loaded touring mount requires. The unique two-piece structure uses technology derived from the company’s CORE concept motorcycle, and Victory claims these bikes are the lightest in their class. That said, bikes bearing two riders and packed with gear for serious travel carry a good bit of mass, so Victory has armed the rides with stout 300-mm dual front disc brakes and a likewise sizable single unit in the rear for excellent stopping power.

So what differentiates this brace of touring vessels? The Cross Roads has a removable windshield with sideburns for aerodynamic efficiency, where as the Cross Country has a larger, fork-mounted full fairing. Both bikes sport huge integrated saddlebags. The Country also has an AM/FM radio as standard equipment, and a boat load of options are available, including GPS. Both the Country and the Roads feature relaxed upright ergonomics for all-day comfort and generous pillion accommodations for your companion. From the sculpted fuel tanks to Victory’s unique exhaust note, these are serious travel partners that just get better as the miles roll by.

Neal Pollack made a name for himself as a brash, occasionally annoying hipster writer, hanging with the likes of Dave Eggers and wreaking havoc on book tours. As he approached middle age (and The New York Times called him “doughy”), he found yoga. Or maybe yoga found him. Either way, Stretch covers his journey from barely being able to do downward dog to becoming practically addicted to the exercise and the lifestyle, traveling the world in search of enlightenment. He offers a peek into the wide world of yoga, skewering its self-righteous politics while celebrating its keen sense of community. Pollack humorously covers both the physical aspects of yoga and the Zenlike mind-set, whether confronting a bad back that leaves him immobile on a hospital floor or stepping in dog poo.

This isn’t your typical Lara Croft game, as the action is seen from bird’s-eye view and you’ve got the help of the Mayan tribesman Totec. Still, despite the drop of “Tomb Raider” from the title, you’ll be exploring underground locales as you pursue the demon Xoxolt so you can retrieve the Mirror of Smoke and restore balance to the world.

Rocks:
Lara’s grappling hook, dual pistols with infinite ammo, and tiny outfit are back, and the new character comes with spears and a shield. The pair can use their weapons to help each other—the grappling hook can attach to Totec for Lara to use as a tightrope; Lara can jump on his spears or shield for extra leverage—and Lara can use Totec to solve puzzles. The co-op mode is drop-in/drop-out with the computer taking over when there isn’t a second player, but when you choose single-player mode, Lara can use Totec’s weapons on her own. Although it’s a downloadable title, the developers claim it offers a decent six to eight hours of gameplay. There’s a proper Tomb Raider in the works.

Flops:
It’s a weak story and there are no gratuitous body shots of Lara. While there’s a good amount of platforming and puzzle-solving, the focus is on scoring lots of points. The puzzles have been simplified significantly, though there are “reward tombs” that offer a slightly greater challenge (and more points).

Ryan Keely, Penthouse Pet of the Month October 2009, for M. Night Shyamalan’s “Escalation.”

Q:
My girlfriend went to a sex-toy party and came home with a bag full of goodies she wants to try out. What the hell is a cock ring, and why does my girlfriend want to put one on me?

The Pet doctor: A cock ring is one of the greatest inventions in the history of sex toys. It’s a ring that’s placed around the base of the penis to slow the flow of blood from the erect penile tissue, which helps in maintaining an erection for a longer period of time. Cock rings can be worn around just the penis, or around both the penis and scrotum, or around the scrotum alone (in which case it’s called a testicle cuff). Most guys like wearing penis rings because they amplify and prolong erections and help intensify their orgasms.

Vibrating cock rings are usually pleasurable for both the wearer and his partner, and many include clitoral stimulators—which is the one I suspect your girlfriend might be pushing you to use. These stimulators can be turned around and angled to tickle anal regions as well.

For many women, a vibrating cock ring provides that extra stimulation necessary to bring them to the Big O during intercourse. I am personally very fond of the disposable cock rings with vibrating clitoral stimulators (often called one-shots) because having to wash sex toys in the afterglow diminishes the fun.

Go ahead and follow your girlfriend’s suggestion—put on that cock ring—and I’ll bet that you’ll love it. Just remember not to put it on too tight and not to leave it on for more than 30 minutes. If you feel any pain, discomfort, or coldness in your cock, it’s time to pull it off!

The Downs side: It’s funny how this is never on any of the lists of “things men should know.” Fix a flat, tie a bow tie, find north without a compass, and…use a cock ring?

It’s not the kind of thing you’d learn in the Boy Scouts, but it’s definitely worth knowing.

Of course, you understand that, to get an erection, your penis becomes engorged with blood. A cock ring fitted around the base of your penis lets blood flow in, but keeps it from flowing back out. Trapping more blood in the penis gives you a bigger, harder erection.

If your girlfriend wants you to try on a cock ring, it’s as much for your benefit as it is hers. You might last longer and have more explosive orgasms when using it. But a super swollen member may be extra sensitive, so you might find that using a cock ring makes you come more quickly. You also might not feel anything special, or it might be altogether annoying. Results can vary.

A cock ring is frequently meant to be worn around the whole package—under the balls and over the shaft. A typical cock ring is a stretchy silicone band. To put one on, start limp, or with a chubby. The balls go through the ring first, then the penis. Make the ring snug around the base of your cock and balls.

Other cock-ring varieties include adjustable straps that fasten with snaps or Velcro, and simple cords.

There are solid-metal cock rings, too, but those are not recommended for beginners. As a general rule, keep a cock ring on for no more than 30 minutes at a time, or you’ll risk permanent damage to your penis.

Have you ever lamented being second-best to your lady’s vibrating toy? Maybe you like the feeling of vibration during sex, but don’t like the clumsiness of a handheld vibrator? You can buy cock rings with a little “bullet” vibe attachment, as well as various patented designs that add multipronged, vibrating functionality.

It would help to road test your cock ring to see how it feels. Masturbate with it on before trying it with your girlfriend. If you like it, add it to your
gear; if not, use it to organize your electronics cables.

Now, would someone please teach me how to tie a bow tie?