House of T-Pain

Behold the charmed existence and hit-making genius of the artist formerly known as Faheem Rasheed Najm.

As a producer on records by Kanye West, Akon, Chris Brown, and Lil Wayne, T-Pain has been responsible for some of the most memorable beats of the past few years. The music industry has certainly taken notice: Pain received five nominations each at this year’s Grammy and BET Awards (he scored a total of two wins), and his album last year, Epiphany, debuted at No. 1. For his latest effort, Thr33 Ringz, he enlisted the assistance of West, Brown, Ludacris, and others to make his own act sing. But what T-Pain would really like you to know is that he did it all for the kids-his kids.

Okay, let’s get right to the important stuff: Talk about the inspiration for “Long Lap Dance.”
You’re paying by the song, and they’re playing the shortest songs in the world. You don’t want a lap dance that lasts two minutes! That just sucks. So you got a five-minute song called the “Long Lap Dance”-you’ll get yourself a long lap dance, three lap dances for the price of one.

That’s just good consumer instincts. What exactly makes a good lapdance song?
A good lap-dance song is basically something the girl can get into. You can hate the song with a passion, but if the girl likes it, she’s gonna dance supergood to it. Any song that’s dedicated to a strip club is good because it’s about the girl, so “I’m in Love With a Stripper” was a perfect lap-dance song, I think.

You’re married, so we don’t want to get you in too much trouble. But what clubs have the best lap dances?
Diamonds Cabaret in Miami. That’s probably where I got the most lap dances-and I own it now, too!

Of all the clubs you’ve been to, why buy that one?
It’s a weird kind of strip club-it has a gym, a boxing ring, a basketball court, a weight-lifting section, a barbershop, and a strip club. We got plenty of room for VIPs and all kinds of stuff.

So it’s convenient-a one-stop shop, if you will. Do you use any of the other facilities, like the basketball court or the weight room?
Just the strip club. I ain’t got no business in all that other stuff; ain’t no girls in there unless we do a female boxing match or a strip-basketball game.

Which would be a good way to extend the brand. On the same record you have the song “Keep Going,” written, quite literally, for the kids.
That really is about the kids. It’s about my family and just letting everybody know what I’m doing this for. I ain’t doing it for the money or the fame; I’m just doing it so my kids won’t have to go through what I went through in the childhood portion of my life. That’s the reason I get up in the morning, because if it was up to me I would not get up as early as I have been to do all the stuff I gotta do.

How old are your kids now?
My daughter’s four, my son is one, and I just found out my wife is pregnant.

Mazel tov! That’s Hebrew for “You poor bastard!” Does your daughter listen to your music yet?
She knows exactly what’s happening. When I’m on TV, she says, “other daddy,” because she knows I’m a
different person when I’m at home and when I’m out. So when I’m on TV, I’m the other daddy.

There are some great sounds on Thr33 Ringz. What were you looking for as a producer on the record?
My thing is, when I make an album I don’t look for any sound; that’s why a lot of the songs sound different from each other. There are things that I’m feeling at a certain time. That’s one thing that was kind of crazy to me about Kanye-he was looking for a particular sound. But I don’t really ever look for a sound.

Returning to the strip-basketball idea for a moment, what five women are on T-Pain’s team?

Gabrielle Union, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan, ’cause I’d wanna have sex with them…and the Williams sisters [Serena and Venus], because they’re strong and shit and I’m pretty sure they can handle the ball.