Our twenty-first-century rogue tells you how to make the most of your lady’s lust for erotica.
Illustration by Celia Calle
Q:
My girlfriend’s friend introduced her to “romance” stories about Navy SEALs, which is apparently a popular subgenre in erotica. To me, the stories are just Forum letters with a happy ending—they have hot sex scenes, but there’s always a for ever after with a major player who gives up all the other pussy in the world for the right woman. There’s no denying that my girl gets turned on by them. She’s got her eReader in front of her face every night before bed, and she’s always hot to trot afterward. But I feel like a chick complaining about men and porn. It’s like I can’t get her excited myself, like she needs the books to get in the mood for sex. And how am I supposed to measure up to these guys she’s reading about? They’re practically superheroes, not to mention their good looks, bad-boy charm, and huge cocks.
A:
You’ve got a girlfriend who gets herself in the mood for sex every night, and you’re complaining? Dude, every guy should have it so good. It sounds like you don’t have to romance her at all, just leave her alone for as long as it takes to watch SportsCenter. Who the hell cares what’s turning her on? This is no different than taking her to the latest movie starring [insert her favorite actor’s name here], knowing that you’re going to get laid after she lusts for him on the big screen. As long as she’s calling you by the right name and keeping the pussy at home, you’ve got no problems.
Another plus: I checked out some SEAL stories on Amazon, and going by just the brief descriptions, there is hot casual sex, three somes, and kink. You should read a few of her stories with her to see which ones really get her wet. Gathering intel about what your girl is intrigued by will enable you to plan a sneak attack that could push her to the kinkier side of her personal boundaries.
And you don’t have to measure up to those heroes. She knows they’re not real—women don’t believe players can reform—and at least she’s not lusting after Fabio. I mean, it’s not like you really expect her to measure up to the models in this magazine, as much as you secretly wish she did.
