Q:
I met an amazing woman at my gym–she’s sexy, smart, independent, bisexual, great in bed, and loves to read Penthouse with me! There is only one problem: She does not want to commit to me exclusively and shares her spacious house with two women and a man. One of the women is her girlfriend of many years and the other woman is married to the man. She not only lives with these folks, but has sex with all of them on a regular basis. She wants me to share her with them, even though she says she loves me and would like to have kids with me. At first I enjoyed having an open relationship, but as I have grown attached to her, it has started to bother me. I have always been open-minded about sex and have had threesomes and swinging experiences with my previous girlfriends, never feeling any discomfort or jealousy. But I have a difficult time sharing her, both emotionally and from the standpoint of STDs. However, she has made it clear that if I make her choose, she would rather give up me than her lifestyle. How do I get her to overcome her commitment phobia and settle for one guy who adores her?
A:
Your girlfriend seems free-spirited, not commitment-phobic. If you try to tame her wild sexual ways too quickly, you may lose her. Instead, rein her in slowly. Tell her that you are not comfortable with promiscuity but you are willing to settle for polyamory, the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. She should commit herself to you and her roommates. Then stir up her jealousy by paying slightly more attention to one of the other women involved. Even the least envious individual will feel some competitiveness in this type of situation. If that doesn’t make her want a more exclusive relationship, time might do the trick. She may grow out of her libertine ways or seek to start a family. Meanwhile, enjoy!
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Victoria Zdrok's combination of beauty and intelligence has earned her the label as "sexpert" in many media outlets. She writes a monthly column on love, sex, and dating for Penthouse Magazine entitled "Ask Dr. Z," and a column on sexuality and the law for Penthouse Forum. She is a frequent contributor to several publications and has her own SIRIUS Satellite Radio specialty show, The Sex Connection, on Howard 101. You can find out more about Dr. Z at www.sexysexpert.com
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Christopher
