Q:
I have been married for more than 15 years. My wife and I never had children, and our sex life is virtually nonexistent. A few times in the past couple of years when we did attempt intercourse, I was not able to orgasm—I’m not sure why. We have a very loving and caring relationship, we cuddle and do things together, and otherwise get along great. Is it possible to be happily married and not have sex? She seems to miss it a lot less than I do, so I try not to impose myself on her and just take care of myself instead.
A:
There are countless sexless marriages—many of which are happy and fulfilling. Women tend to miss closeness and intimacy more than sex itself, so if you are affectionate and attentive it may be enough for your wife. Still, even though she may not have spontaneous sexual desire, you may be able to awaken her libido through lots of foreplay, kissing, caresses, and massages. Female sexuality tends to be responsive to sensuous stimulation. But it seems like you actually feel guilty about initiating sex with your wife—which may be affecting your ability to orgasm. I advise that both of you see a physician to rule out medical and hormonal issues that may affect your sexuality, and make regular attempts to rebuild your sexual intimacy. After all, no matter how good your marriage is, a satisfying sex life would make it better!
Victoria Zdrok's combination of beauty and intelligence has earned her the label as "sexpert" in many media outlets. She writes a monthly column on love, sex, and dating for Penthouse Magazine entitled "Ask Dr. Z," and a column on sexuality and the law for Penthouse Forum. She is a frequent contributor to several publications and has her own SIRIUS Satellite Radio specialty show, The Sex Connection, on Howard 101. You can find out more about Dr. Z at www.sexysexpert.com
