Q:
Is it true that most women do not tell the truth about the number of sexual partners they’ve had? At least, that’s what’s happened with many of the women I have met—they all initially withheld information about how many guys they had fucked, only later confessing to all their sexual exploits. So how many men does the average American woman sleep with in her lifetime? I would bet most women have had 30 or more men by the time they reach their thirties.
A:
According to a 2007 national survey, the median number of lifetime female sexual partners for men was seven; the median number of male partners for women was four. You are obviously way off—or you date women who are way above average in their “sexploration” quotient. Statisticians say that the number of sexual partners ought to be the same, on average, for any large group of men and women. But most surveys find that men report two to four times as many sexual partners as women do. Are men lying to inflate their sexual reputations? Are women lying to downplay their sexual experience? This suggests that the old double standard in which men screw anything in skirts and women remain pure until marriage is still alive in our sexual subconscious.
Some psychologists maintain that most men and women don’t intentionally misrepresent their sexual histories; they simply use different methods to estimate the number of partners they’ve had. Apparently, women are more likely to rely on specific enumeration. They tend to say, “Well, there was John, Tom,” etc. This is a strategy that typically leads to underestimation, particularly if some of their prior lovers were losers they would rather forget. Men are twice as likely to use rough approximation to answer the question: “Well, I bang about a dozen babes a year, and I’ve been scoring for the past ten years….” Rough approximation is a methodology known to produce overestimation. Do some women lie? Sure—to protect their partner’s ego or make themselves look less promiscuous. You seem to get your rocks off by convincing yourself that all women are sluts. Is that why you are so concerned about finding out the “real number”? Stop worrying about the notches on her belt, and rejoice that your sorry ass is getting laid.
Victoria Zdrok's combination of beauty and intelligence has earned her the label as "sexpert" in many media outlets. She writes a monthly column on love, sex, and dating for Penthouse Magazine entitled "Ask Dr. Z," and a column on sexuality and the law for Penthouse Forum. She is a frequent contributor to several publications and has her own SIRIUS Satellite Radio specialty show, The Sex Connection, on Howard 101. You can find out more about Dr. Z at www.sexysexpert.com
