Q:
I thought my wife and I had a great sex life until she mentioned that she wishes “we spent longer making love.” That comment really confused me, and when I tried to get her to clarify what she meant, she just brushed me off. Since I can’t read her mind, I need your help. I am not a premature ejaculator and can usually last anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes in the sack. We usually kiss for a few minutes, then I go down on her for a while till she gets nice and wet. She reciprocates by giving me a blowjob, although never to completion. Then I penetrate her and we have intercourse for at least ten minutes, changing positions until I come, usually doing her doggie-style. The whole thing usually lasts about 30 minutes. How long is sex supposed to last? What can I do to make it last longer?
A:
Great sex lasts as long as the people engaged in it want it to last. The one thing you failed to tell me is how many times she comes during your “about 30-minute” sexercise? If it is less than a few times, or never includes multiple orgasms, she may think she’s missing out but doesn’t want to make you feel bad (or inade quate) by telling you this directly. You should try to meet her desires by stretching out whatever activities you already engage in, particularly focusing on the foreplay. Kiss her and caress her all over until she moans with pleasure, suck her nipples and rub her clitoris until she is dripping with wetness, bring her to climax again and again by going down on her until your tongue hurts and your jaw is sore. Do this until she encourages you to move on, verbally or through actions, such as grabbing your penis and shoving it into her. Penetrate her for a few minutes, slowly and sensuously, then withdraw for a little while, focusing on her clit again. When you have finally climaxed, if she is all starry-eyed and cuddly sweet, you will know you have met—or exceeded—her expectations. After that, you’re not likely to receive any more “make it last longer” complaints!
Victoria Zdrok's combination of beauty and intelligence has earned her the label as "sexpert" in many media outlets. She writes a monthly column on love, sex, and dating for Penthouse Magazine entitled "Ask Dr. Z," and a column on sexuality and the law for Penthouse Forum. She is a frequent contributor to several publications and has her own SIRIUS Satellite Radio specialty show, The Sex Connection, on Howard 101. You can find out more about Dr. Z at www.sexysexpert.com
