By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.
I’ve read a lot on how to strengthen the PC muscle to allow a male to have multiple orgasms without ejaculation, and I’ve practiced the exercises. Now it seems that I can hold back my ejaculate, but I can’t orgasm and I can’t figure out why. Any advice?
The Pet doctor: To experience a “dry orgasm,” you need to learn to relax while holding back your ejaculate. You may be tensing up your entire body to the point of preventing yourself from reaching an orgasm. Don’t focus too much on climaxing. Instead, enjoy slow, pressure-free intercourse. Tell yourself that you don’t have to have an orgasm to enjoy this experience. You can also try adding stimulation to bring on an orgasm while holding back your ejaculate. Touching your nipples, gently squeezing your testicles with your hand, or digital stimulation of the prostate can bring on the orgasm. If you don’t like the thought of a finger in your ass, try sexual aids that are designed to stimulate the prostate.
The Downs side: Although you might have been trying to achieve multiple orgasms, you’ve actually trained yourself to fuck forever without coming. It’s good to learn ejaculatory control, but there’s a limit to how long you can hold back from the point of no return before the sexual tension dissipates and you’re effectively done, orgasm or not.
Have you ever noticed how a back scratch stops feeling good if it goes on for too long? It’s because the friction of fingernails on skin isn’t pleasurable in and of itself. It’s how your brain processes that sensation that makes it feel so good. After a certain point, the pleasure ends, even if the friction continues.
It’s the same with sex. You have to stop for a while to reset your brain-penis pleasure circuit, kind of like power-cycling your modem when you lose your internet connection. But what you probably do instead is thrust harder and faster in an attempt to come. That only makes things worse, because too much friction desensitizes your penis.
Keep working on your multiple-orgasm project, but don’t be too committed to it. Your sex life shouldn’t feel like work, and it isn’t a competitive sport.
Experiment with your ejaculatory control every now and then, but more often than not, you should let go and bust a nut whenever you feel like it. And remember, another way to have multiple orgasms is to have sex multiple times. I think that sounds like more fun, don’t you?
