By Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.
A lot of my buddies don’t agree with me, but I’m okay with having sex when my girlfriend has her period. The problem is that she’s not into it. Is there any way I can convince her to try it?
The Downs side: You guys are always asking for advice on how to “convince her” to do this or that. It’s like you’re trial lawyers looking for an expert witness to help you make your case. I’m sorry, but I can’t testify that there are any solid reasons for her to have sex during her period if she doesn’t want to. You might be, like Dave Foley on Kids in the Hall, a “guy with a good attitude toward menstruation,” proclaiming to embrace his woman’s monthly flow, even if it is “a raging rust-colored torrent, an unbridled river of life-giving blood flowing from between her legs!”
But most men, and women for that matter, don’t have a good attitude toward menstruation. I recall that, when traveling in Asia with my wife, some parts of the ancient Buddhist temples we visited were off-limits to women. On those occasions that she was denied entry, it was explained that the intrusion of a menstruating woman upon the sacred space would make it unclean.
In modern America, our collective attitude toward menstruation is no different. Think of “sanitary napkins” and “feminine hygiene” products. Sanitation and hygiene, by definition, are measures we take to prevent disease.
But consider this: You can have a schnoz full of mucus teeming with infectious germs, and yet you don’t blow it into a “sanitary napkin.” You use “facial tissue.” And you use toilet paper, not “anal hygiene” products to wipe your ass. The implication is that menstrual blood is somehow dirtier and more dangerous than snot and poop.
Still, there’s really no health-related argument against having period sex. It won’t harm her. And unless she’s got HIV or hepatitis, it won’t harm you, either.
It all comes down to how comfortable she is with letting you share her menses. To her, menstruation is probably a deeply personal thing, and one that may have an element of shame for her. To some, proposing to have sex at that time of the month is like saying, “Hey, how ’bout I stick my dick in your embarrassing bloody secret?”
Yet there are plenty of other women who wouldn’t mind a spot of red on the sheets if you don’t. I just don’t think that any amount of convincing can change the former into the latter.
The Pet doctor: It depends on the reasons behind her dislike of fornication during menstruation. Is she a neat freak who dreads a drop of blood smearing her silk sheets? Does she get severe PMS symptoms and a lot of cramps before and during her period? Or does she have hemophobia—an irrational fear of blood? If she is a neatnik, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to overcome her cleanliness OCD—after all, sex during a woman’s period gets quite messy.
There are some women, particularly those who experience strong PMS symptoms, who feel a total lack of desire during their period. Some get bloated due to water retention, while others feel intercourse makes their cramps worse. If your girlfriend is afflicted with these problems, you don’t want to add to her agony by pushing her to have sex.
However, if her reluctance is simply due to an irrational fear of bloody sex, you might convince her to try it by telling her that you find sex during her period to be a special turn-on because the spots of blood make you feel like you are deflowering a virgin. Be sure to do it a few days after her period has started, when the flow is not as heavy. Offer to wear a condom if she thinks a bloody penis is disturbing. To reduce blood flow during intercourse she can wear a cervical cap, which she can get from her OB-GYN.
Another alternative she can ask her doctor about is natural bath sponge; a piece of the sponge moistened in water before she inserts it will absorb most of the blood. She just has to be careful to remove it completely. Make sure to put lots of towels on the bed. Personally, I enjoy having sex during my period—making a bloody mess feels cathartic in a primal kind of way.
