So, as I’m sure y’all know, our sister company is Penthouse, and they’re currently celebrating their 40th Anniversary edition. I got my grubby little hands on a copy, and it’s definitely worth picking up for the retrospective of Pets through the years; from the soft, romantic lighting from the ’70s, to the big hair, heavy metal babes of the ’80s, to the statuesque Amazons of the ’90s – three of whom came back to pose for the current issue.
But I digress!
Flipping through the issue, I came across an ad for this toy, which was conceived specifically for the 40th Anniversary:
Croiky! That’s a hairy one, mate!
So, yeah. This one’s pretty scary. BUT I have to give up the props for the marketing copy on this one:
“Remember the feel of the soft, silky hair as you reached into your girlfriend’s jeans in the back of your parents’ station wagon?”
So, instead of saying “Hey, I’d like to stick my dick in a fish with a mouth full of razor sharp teeth” the toymakers here said “Hey, I’d like to recapture a bit of my youth and indulge in a bit of pubic hair nostalgia.” I have to hand it to them for that – and for the fact that they are embracing the “au natural” look….in concept.
But as far as the actual execution goes, this is really only “au natural” if you are Cousin It’s sister.
Also, the plastic skin + cheap synthetic hair combo reminds me of one of my childhood toys; The Barbie Styling Head, a disembodied blonde head with long, flowing, synthetic locks that I would spend hours combing, curling and styling.
This only makes me think of someone spending hours combing, curling and styling the flowing, synthetic pubic locks of a silicone replica of Laura Doone’s vajajay, and that, in turn, makes me want to curl up into a ball under my desk and cry and rock myself to sleep until the voices in my head go away.
But again, I digress.
I can deal with the disembodied pussy, I can deal with the Cousin It pubes, but when you add on the fact that IT VIBRATES?
Ok, crawling under my desk now.
(As a side note, in case you’re wondering why there’s a “mini pussy” that says TRY ME BUY ME — it’s the same cyberskin material and isn’t covered with plastic, so you can stick your finger into it to feel the material. The first time we encountered one of these mini pussies at the office, utter hilarity ensued — but I’ll save that for another day!)
AFFeditor is a smut peddler based out of the offices of AdultFriendFinder who encounters many frightening sextoys both online and mailed in from different companies.
