Q:
My wife is a successful professional and a wonderful mother to our two kids, and she also loves to cook and keep our house in immaculate condition. All of this is great, but she seldom has any time for sex during the day, and at night she is always exhausted. How can I get her to be more interested in sex when we both finally hit the sack?

A:
Many guys mistakenly think that women are just like men, i.e., that they can work all day, watch a ball game, down a six-pack, and then be ready for intercourse as soon as the lights go off. However, unlike the male sex drive, which is spontaneous, female desire is more receptive in nature-which means it requires some priming. Get her in the mood for sex by keeping it in her mind throughout the day: Leave her sexy voice messages and e-mails, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and hug and kiss her whenever you get a chance. A little kiss on the back of her neck while she is stirring the soup may keep her stirred up until bedtime!

Be sure to tell her how sexy she looks and what you would like to do to her-using your own private slang if the kids are around. Talking about sex while you’re in the kitchen or dining room is like having sex in public places-it spices up the atmosphere and builds her anticipation.

If you sense she is really tired, draw her a bubble bath or offer to give her a massage before bed. Tell her you wanted to ravish her while she was making dinner or vacuuming the house but you held off, knowing that she wanted to finish the chore. You can even tell her that you got so hard while watching her that you couldn’t help fondling your dick and thinking about making love to her.

If you are too lazy to tend to her libido’s needs, hire a nanny and a housekeeper so your wife can save most of her energy for sex!

You found a girl who seems up for a one-night stand. Now you need to know how to pull off the perfect hit-and-run.

HEAR AND NOW
Women always complain that men don’t listen, so if you come across as the guy who does, she’ll want to continue the conversation after leaving the bar—hopefully in her bedroom. Research shows that when women engage in heartfelt discussions, their brains release the attachment hormone oxytocin, the same hormone released after orgasm that gives her that warm and fuzzy feeling, so reveal little about yourself and let her talk to her heart’s content. To come across as a real “listener,” employ the technique used by shrinks: Paraphrase what she’s saying to “reflect” her feelings. If she says she just relocated from another town, commend her on her brave move and say, “It must have taken a lot of courage to leave your family behind and move here on your own.”

Women yearn to be in the arms of someone who makes them feel comfortable. To establish a bond, begin referring to the two of you as “we” in a casual manner. Say things like, “Is it just me, or are we the only folks here who don’t look like we’re trying out for Dancing With the Stars?” Look for buzzwords or word-hooks that you can use to create shared attitudes. If she says, “It’s crowded in here,” you should use “crowded” as a hook, adding something like, “Yeah, I don’t like crowds either.”

THE FINISHING TOUCH
Establish yourself as a “physical” guy from the beginning. When you shake her hand, let it linger. During conversation, nonchalantly touch her palms, arms, back, and thighs, and observe her reaction. Ask her to dance, then lean in and whisper in her ear. Remember, it’s the light, fleeting touch that’s the most erotic and suggestive, so stay away from grabbing or feeling her up. Tell her how much you love giving massages, and offer to demonstrate your knowledge of acupressure points. (As an excuse to touch her, it might be worth learning a few of them.)

But keep in mind that while you are building sexual tension through innuendo and fleeting touches, you should avoid appearing overly eager to get her in the sack. Obvious lustfulness is a turnoff—women don’t want a guy who acts like a Pavlovian dog salivating at the sight of meat. If you feel yourself getting too invested in the outcome, just tell yourself that you can always get it somewhere else some other time. If she stalls, act aloof and play hard to get. By becoming a “distancer,” you can frequently turn a woman into a “pursuer.”

HOME RUN
The prime location for a onenighter is her place. If she is staying at a hotel, that’s where you should seduce her; otherwise, ask her a few casual questions to discern her living situation. Does she live alone? Does she have to work the next morning? If she mentions any hobbies or collections (such as her favorite music, book, or movie), express eager interest in seeing it. She’ll feel much safer and more comfortable in her own apartment, and you’ll be able to make a clean exit if you don’t feel like sleeping over. Many hot women, however, are secretive about their homes—after all, what if you turn out to be a loser who’s prone to stalking? Some women may be living with a roommate or a boyfriend, so don’t push the issue if she is not forthcoming with an invitation to her place. If you can afford it, offer to have drinks at a nice hotel nearby so you can get a room if she seems interested.

If your place is clean and relatively neat, with fresh sheets and no intrusive roomies, then that’s your second-best option. Carry a conversation piece that is related to items you have at home; it will give
her a good excuse to come over. This could be a silver chain around your neck or a pair of unusual cuff links that will prompt conversation about your artifacts from Mexico. Or you can carry a digital camera in your pocket so you can talk about your photograph collection. Many women want to maintain the pretense of spontaneous intimacy and a heat-ofthe-moment decision rather than a planned sexual encounter, so giving her a nonsexual excuse to come to your home will turn this into a game of seduction. If neither of you has a place that’s appropriate and the weather is good, you can always opt for alfresco sex.

PLEASE PLEASE HER
Women do not have the same urgency for sexual release as guys do. While you’re just happy to get laid, even if the sex is mediocre, a woman willing to sleep with a stranger is looking for good sex. I like a guy who announces in advance that he will do whatever it takes to give his partner an orgasm every time—and if you make sure she comes first (or at all), you might be able to turn her into a regular booty call. And don’t slack off just because you don’t plan to see her again. Never forget that women talk, and if you’re great in bed, the word might get around to her hot girlfriends.

DEVISE A SAFE EXIT STRATEGY
If you want to leave right after sex, you need a good exit plan. Have a good reason ready if she asks why you’re taking off—and it better not be that your wife is expecting you home. If you stay overnight, don’t try to sneak out before she wakes up. It’ll backfire if she wakes up while you’re tying your shoes. But if you are caught escaping, have a good excuse prepared for your early-morning rush (like you were so into her that you forgot about an important breakfast meeting). That way, neither of you will be too embarrassed if you accidentally leave something behind that you need to retrieve, or if you run into her later. If you score at your place, have a reason ready for why she can’t stay over (that important morning meeting works again!) and put it out there early, not postcoital—that leaves you free to start up a second or third round of lovemaking!

MIND YOUR MANNERS
Always thank your lover for a good time, even if she turned out to be a lousy lay. If you’re grumpy in the morning, blame it on a hangover and be sure to compliment her, even if that ten at two looks like a rumpled two at ten. Unless you’re looking for more than a one-nighter, don’t stay for breakfast—that creates expectations and the need for small talk. Make a perfunctory exchange of phone numbers or, better yet, e-mail addresses, and never be rude. We can’t say this enough: She has friends, and women talk. If you’re a morningafter jerk, her girlfriends will know about it and you’ll never score with them. On the other hand, if you act like a prince, you may end up with a harem of hot chicks panting at your pants.

We get it. You’re not into commitment and longterm relationships at this stage in your life; you just want to score some raunchy sex with a hot babe. There’s nothing wrong with that, and—believe it or not—there are plenty of smokin’ girls looking for a night of passionate sex with no strings attached. The trick to a successful one-nighter is finding the perfect Ms. Right Now. And while finding a sex-seeking hottie in a crowd of women with romance on their minds may seem like an impossible task, you can zero in on the free spirits if you know what to look for, both in looks and behavior.

THE LOOK
Dressed to thrill
Here’s a good rule of thumb: The more skin she shows, the more skin you’re likely to get by night’s end. This seems like common sense, but scientific research consistently shows that sexually adventurous women tend to wear skimpier clothing than their more repressed companions. One study showed that ovulating women are more likely to dress provocatively, but beware that biological imperative and make sure you’re safe; women may not realize it, but they get hornier at this time of the month because it’s when they’re most likely to get pregnant. A sexily dressed woman feels good about her body and may even be a bit of an exhibitionist, whereas a self-conscious woman is unlikely to feel comfortable enough to undress in front of a stranger. Don’t waste your time on the sexy librarian in the turtleneck—go for the girl in the low-cut tank and barely there miniskirt.

The devil is in the details
If she has a manicure and pedicure, she’s been to the salon; she may also have a fresh Brazilian wax to show off. And if she’s got tattoos and piercings, she has a wild streak that bodes well for you. A tongue piercing is espe cially good—she prob ab l y likes to demonstrate her oral prowess.

THE BEHAVIOR
Alone in a crowd
When a woman is alone at a nightclub or a bar, she is most likely looking for a hookup. This is good for you, as you won’t have to deal with resistance from her buddies, and good for her, since she won’t have to put up with disapproving glances or follow-up questions from her girlfriends. If you are checking out a group of women, go after the least attractive one. She’ll be flattered and appreciative, since she rarely gets the attention when she’s out with her friends. Or look for the one who seems left out of the clique. She’s ready to be rescued.

Dirty dancing
If you’re in a dance club, look for a girl who is shaking it like a milkshake on the dance floor. She knows how to move, and she’s comfortable with a lot of male attention-two solid indicators that she’s up for a one-night stand. The conventional wisdom that a woman who’s a good dancer is good in bed is commonly believed because there’s truth in it. Dance really is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

HUNTING GROUNDS
Trap the tourists
We’ve all felt the appeal of sex with a stranger while away from home and our more censorious friends. Foreign tourists, in particular, often look to sample the legal goods because they know that when they get back their friends will ask, “So, did you hook up with any Americans? How do they compare?” Foreign college students often make good targets. (Trust me, I was one!) If you don’t live in a tourist town, check out conventions in your area, which are usually held at big hotels. Traveling businesswomen frequently get lonely and go looking for a little no-strings-attached companionship once they’re away from gossiping colleagues.

THE PREY
Go cougar hunting
Don’t just target pretty young things. Research shows that women in their thirties and forties are hornier and more likely to reach orgasm than women in their twenties. Hot-looking 50-year-olds on the prowl are an even easier target. They’re less likely to get a lot of male attention, so they frequently adopt a carpe noctem (”seize the night”) attitude. And don’t forget MILFs. They already have kids, so they’re not looking at you as a potential father. In fact, MILFs are likely to care more about the bulge in your jeans than the quality of your genes.

Q:
I recently met this great girl, and I thought she was really falling for me. The sex is awesome and we have a lot in common. The problem is, she broke up with her boyfriend right before she met me (actually, he walked out on her), and now he’s begging her to get back together. Now she’s confused and says she has strong feelings for both of us. What should I do? Pull back and let her miss me, or try harder to pursue her with compliments and gifts? How do I find out who she really loves? Please help, Dr. Z!

A:
She doesn’t love you, my forlorn friend! I hate to be the one to deliver the bad news, but think of me as a surgeon cutting out your festering tumor. You have hooked yourself a rebounder, and this type of
woman always comes with major psychological baggage. She’s only with you because you helped her deal with her heart break while she pined for the jerk who dumped her, then decided to reel her back in.

If you’re a masochist, you can stick around and be the shoulder she cries on, maybe getting some gratitude sex while she fantasizes about her ex. But my advice is to forget about pursuing her. Instead, leave her alone to sort out her own crap while you go out to meet other hot babes—never underestimate the power of jealousy. She’ll desire you more if you are surrounded by attractive opportunities for romance. And if she comes back to you, hopefully it will be because she genuinely likes you, not because she needs someone to help her get over her ex-boyfriend.

Q:
I love to kiss, but my new girlfriend isn’t into it—she says it spreads germs (she’s a total germaphobe). Are there any health benefits to kissing I can cite to convince her it’s good for her?

A:
Your girlfriend is right about the germ exchange. According to one study, more than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a typical French kiss. However, some research shows that our saliva actually kills most of these bacteria and that sharing these germs boosts your internal defense system by exposing it to a limited number of these pathogens. But you can assure her that there are numerous other health benefits to kissing:

–  Kissing has been shown to reduce allergic skin responses, improving eczema and other skin conditions.
–  The extra saliva produced during passionate kissing washes bacteria off your teeth, which can help break down oral plaque.
–  Passionate kissing has been shown to burn about two calories a minute, double your resting metabolic rate.
–  Skin-to-skin contact stimulates the production of the hormone oxytocin, which reduces the sensation of fear.
–  Kissing exercises facial muscles, which can help her maintain a youthful countenance.
–  Kissing is often called sensual meditation because it slows down our brain waves, putting us in a more relaxed state of mind.

Penthouse Sexpert, Dr. Victoria Zdrok interview with Michael Kane from the New York Post.

Read Original Article on NYPost.com
DREAM JOB: VICTORIA ZDROK
BRAINY BEAUTY PUTS DOCTORATE TO WORK AS A SEX-ADVICE COLUMNIST
By MICHAEL KANE
April 14, 2008–

What if Dr. Ruth were hot?

Meet Victoria Zdrok, centerfold and Penthouse sex-advice columnist. Oh, and by the way, she’s also a doctor of clinical psychology - with a law degree to boot.

Zdrok is a woman with really big, um, credentials.

“Dr. Z” is also a one-of-a-kind immigrant success story. Born in Ukraine, she came to the US as an exchange student in the early days of glasnost. She went on to grad school, and never gave a thought to modeling until she was spotted by Playboy scouts while at a conference.

A decade later, she’s truly carved out a career that harmonizes mind and body, as an expert in the mentality of sexual attraction. Beyond her funny, straight-shooting column, she’s had a radio show on Sirius, and a new book, “Dr. Z on Scoring: How to Pick Up, Seduce and Hook Up with Hot Women,” just hit shelves.

@Work sat down with Zdrok at Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square to find out how she used sexiness and smarts to create a career niche in the world of naughty.

Dr. Z on Scoring availble at the Amazon and at PenthouseStore.com

What’s the best part of being a sex-advice columnist?

People e-mail me their most secret fantasies, things they couldn’t even tell a therapist. Balloon-popping fetishes - watching women pop balloons with high heels on - are surprisingly big. A woman getting a pie in the face is another one. There’s no end to what to turns people on.

Do you find your work titillating?

Well, I also review sex products, so my house is full of fun toys and oils and things. So, yes, I love my job. But mostly I get the helper’s high that doctors get, the euphoria of helping people.

How did a Russian upbringing, innate curiosity about human psychology and centerfold beauty lead you to where you are now?

I was born in Kiev to a family of intellectuals. My uncles were famous poets in the USSR, so I always had the urge to write. When I was 16 years old, I was the first Ukrainian exchange student to visit the US. I was an ambassador of goodwill for perestroika. And as soon as I arrived, I knew I never wanted to go back. I finished college and wanted to go to grad school for psychology and law. I found a seven-year joint Ph.D. program at Villanova.

How did Playboy happen?

In the second year of the program, I went to a psychological convention in Chicago, and at a club in the hotel I was approached by Playboy scouts. At first I was really skeptical, but it was an opportunity to get out of a marriage that wasn’t working - $25,000 is a big chunk of money for a graduate student. It was 1994, and part of me also wanted to prove to the world that Russian women weren’t just these big babushkas.

What was it like to pose naked?

It’s the weirdest dissociative, out-of-body experience. You’re standing there naked and all these people are criticizing your body as if you’re not there, like, “Oh, we need to put a corset on her because her waist isn’t small enough.” I was the first-ever Russian centerfold, so they put me in a library, and then they had me play chess - naked. It was ridiculous, of course. They called it “From Russia, With Brains.”

How was it returning to grad school as a Playboy centerfold?

I never thought it would become anything big. I thought they’d pay me and then I’d become a forensic psychologist and work in a courtroom. Then the month it came out, suddenly I had “Entertainment Tonight” chasing me down the hall. And Villanova is a Catholic school, so there was sneering remarks and looks. A lot of people said I was throwing everything away, that firms would never hire me.

How did you eventually harmonize all of these pursuits?

After the degree, I worked for six months as a law clerk, but I realized I was more of a healer than a fighter. The adversarial nature of law didn’t work for me. Around 1996, I also started my own Web site, and fans would e-mail me with their deepest sexual fantasies. So I began interacting with them, delving deeper into the psychology of fantasy and fetish.

So, you came full circle, back to your Russian writing roots.

That’s what’s great about America. You don’t have to fit in one certain mold. After posing for Penthouse in 2002, I began writing a column for Forum. Then Penthouse approached me about replacing Xaviera Hollander’s advice column. At the time, I was still very tempted to go work in a hospital as a psychologist. But I thought I could reach more people through writing. My column doesn’t aim to arouse. It’s meant to educate.

mkane@nypost.com

Q:
My wife can only get off with toys. No matter what I do, she never comes from my tongue or my penis-she always uses one of her many vibrators on her clit while I am fucking her. I would really love it if she could come without toys during intercourse. All of the other women I’ve been with were able to get off from me thrusting inside them. Is there something wrong with her?

A:
It’s a mistake to compare one woman to others. Some women come during intercourse, while others can only orgasm during foreplay or afterplay. Still other women can climax only from oral or manual stimulation, or with the help of toys. A small percentage of women are able to orgasm only during masturbation Indeed, your past girlfriends may have faked that orgasmic response. There is probably nothing wrong with your wife. Why change what works for her? Instead, you can help her finish by using the vibrator on her-or by wearing a vibrating cock ring with a clit stimulator during intercourse. You could also suggest that she abstain from using her vibrators for a couple of weeks while you experiment with cunnilingus and manual stimulation of her clitoris and vagina. Try new positions, such as the coital alignment technique-a version of missionary where you “ride higher in the saddle” and rub your pelvis against her clitoris.

If you have a question or just a comment, please visit: penthouse.com/drz

Due to the different hormonal system as well as other biological and psychological factors, women’s sexual desire differs from male desire. While men tend to get sexually aroused primarily in response to visual stimuli, women are more likely to respond to aural and olfactory stimulation (sounds and smell). Women are more responsive to pheromones, or bio-chemicals emitted by the human body which serve as sex attractants. That is why women are more likely to be aroused by their partner’s smell, particularly during their ovulation. In the words of Jennifer Aniston, “there is no sexier smell than that of the man you love.” So don’t go overboard on cologne and deodorant, as your woman is probably aroused by the natural smell of your body. Women are also more responsive to verbal than visual erotica-hence the popularity of the romance novels. This may be partly due to the fact that brain areas responsible for processing sounds and smells are more closely linked with areas interpreting sexual arousal in women. No wonder there is an expression that men fall in love with their eyes, while women with their ears.

Q:
I met an amazing woman at my gym–she’s sexy, smart, independent, bisexual, great in bed, and loves to read Penthouse with me! There is only one problem: She does not want to commit to me exclusively and shares her spacious house with two women and a man. One of the women is her girlfriend of many years and the other woman is married to the man. She not only lives with these folks, but has sex with all of them on a regular basis. She wants me to share her with them, even though she says she loves me and would like to have kids with me. At first I enjoyed having an open relationship, but as I have grown attached to her, it has started to bother me. I have always been open-minded about sex and have had threesomes and swinging experiences with my previous girlfriends, never feeling any discomfort or jealousy. But I have a difficult time sharing her, both emotionally and from the standpoint of STDs. However, she has made it clear that if I make her choose, she would rather give up me than her lifestyle. How do I get her to overcome her commitment phobia and settle for one guy who adores her?

A:
Your girlfriend seems free-spirited, not commitment-phobic. If you try to tame her wild sexual ways too quickly, you may lose her. Instead, rein her in slowly. Tell her that you are not comfortable with promiscuity but you are willing to settle for polyamory, the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. She should commit herself to you and her roommates. Then stir up her jealousy by paying slightly more attention to one of the other women involved. Even the least envious individual will feel some competitiveness in this type of situation. If that doesn’t make her want a more exclusive relationship, time might do the trick. She may grow out of her libertine ways or seek to start a family. Meanwhile, enjoy!

If you have a question or just a comment, please visit: penthouse.com/drz

Q:
I consider myself to be a romantic guy. I like spoiling my woman with fancy dinners, flowers, and generally treating her like a queen. However, I am not very verbal, and women I have dated always complained that I’m too quiet, especially before and after sex. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Don’t actions speak louder than words? — L.M., Connecticut

A:
Verbal reinforcement is particularly important for women. Saying the right words may have a greater impact on her libido than rose petals and poetry — we all want reassurance that men want to be with us for our bodies and minds. So when you’re basking in the afterglow of lovemaking, try something along the lines of, ‘You make me really happy,’ or, ‘Being with you makes me forget about all the stress in life.’ Emphasizing how she impacts your life makes her feel special, which will amp her desire to reciprocate the love in a very sexy way.

If you have a question or just a comment, please visit: penthouse.com/drz

Q:
Is tantric sex a bunch of New Age crap or does it have real value? I’ve been with the same girl for a few years and the sex is becoming stale. Recently, she suggested attending a tantric sex workshop together, but I want to know if it’s just another clever extortion of money or if it could put some spark back in our sack.

A:
Tantra is an ancient Hindu practice that purports to mix meditation and nonorgasmic sex to attain a state of perfect bliss. Tantric skills include different ways of controlling climax to enhance sexual energy and mutual bonding. Practitioners claim that tantric sex can not only significantly improve your physical health, but it can also help create a feeling of inner peace and harmony. Everyone is capable of having tantric sex, but it requires rethinking existing sexual ideas. For instance, you need to dismiss the notion that the goal of sex is to have an orgasm (or three!). Tantra emphasizes the art of connecting with your partner emotionally, mentally, and physically so that your two energy fields combine. While I’m not a believer in auras and energy fields, the principles of tantra do work on a basic human psychological level. Paying careful attention to your girlfriend, increasing your bond with loving caresses and kisses, and other tantric techniques increase the romance in any relationship-and that always leads to better sex. Also, delaying orgasm does lead to more powerful climaxes.

Thus, whether or not you buy into the quasi-religious or meditative aspects of tantra, its teachings of patience and preparation can actually lead to greater sexual enjoyment.

Q:
I’ve been married for almost two years and we are trying to conceive a child, but I am having difficulty ejaculating inside my wife. I have always used withdrawal as a birth-control method, and usually either my wife would finish me off manually or I would use my hand. It always worked for us until now, for obvious reasons. She tries to stimulate me manually before putting my penis back inside her, but I usually lose my erection by then. Is it just my habit or is there something more to this? My wife is pressuring me to see a shrink, but I am hoping to resolve it myself.

A:
Your problem is probably physical and psychological. Your penis has become accustomed to manual stimulation. As you know, old habits die hard. You need to stop all masturbation and manual stimulation-no playing with yourself and no handjobs to orgasm. Delay starting intercourse until you are very aroused from foreplay. During intercourse, get into the missionary position and focus on the sensations in your penis, magnifying your arousal as much as you can. If your wife closes her legs on your penis as you pump her, it will increase the friction and make orgasm easier to achieve. You can also further sensitize your penis by applying some Zestra, a botanical arousal oil, topically. Your wife can try massaging your penis with her vaginal muscles. If that doesn’t help, add prostate stimulation during intercourse by having your wife insert her finger or a butt plug into your anus-that should put you over the top! If none of this does the trick, it may be time to shrink your other head, as you may have repressed anxieties over conceiving a child.