First-date small talk is a minefield of treacherous topics. Parents? Divorced. Exes? She’s comparing you to them right now. Penthouse Pet Martina Warren helps you navigate the tricky terrain.

By Jonathan Ages

LIQUID COURAGE
“Be yourself. But it doesn’t hurt to loosen up by having a couple of drinks beforehand. Just don’t get too drunk.”

FRESH DIRECT
“Don’t spark conversation with a standard line. Be spontaneous; make some witty comment about some-thing. Asking about her day may seem like you’re not trying hard, but it works for me. Maybe I’m just easy.

“But there’s nothing worse than a guy who doesn’t let the girl talk. It makes me want to never see him
again. And definitely don’t go on and on about work. Keep your response to a minute or two and then say, ‘That’s enough about me. What do you do?’ ”

LAY IT ON LIGHT
“Compliment her, but play it cool and say something casual and off the cuff, like, ‘I like your dress.’ Definitely don’t say, ‘Wow, you’re hot!’ What’s she supposed to say to that? Plus, it’ll make you look desperate—especially if you’re staring at her boobs.”

QUIET YOUR NERVES
“A lull in conversation can be good or bad, depending on how well the date is going. In general, keep the
conversation flowing. You can always fall back on, ‘How’s your wine?’

“Then again, recognize when it’s a nice, relaxing quiet. Figure it out from her facial expressions and body language. Just beware if she’s looking for the nearest exit.”

NO SOUL-SEARCHING
“Look into her eyes, but don’t make it seem like you’re staring into her soul. Find a good balance of looking at her and looking around the room. And don’t stare at some other girl as if you’re setting up a backup plan.”

NO EX ON THE FIRST DATE
“Ex-girlfriends are a totally out-of-bounds topic on a first date. You will not come across as the sensitive type. She’s going to wonder if you got dumped, and think there’s something wrong with you.”

SLIM-FIT GENES
“Family is a dangerous topic to discuss, but I think it’s safe to ask if she has siblings. Act empathetic if she says anything bad, and don’t ask if her sister is hot. It’s even worse to ask if her mom is hot. We all know it’s a cheap trick to find out what we’re going to look like when we get old.”

GAME OVER
“You can answer the phone, but keep it brief. There’s nothing worse than sitting aimlessly while some guy is chatting with his buddy on the phone about the football game. And if she’s texting constantly, that’s not a good sign. She’s probably telling her friends you’re a loser.”

Pets in attendance: Erica Ellyson, Jamie Lynn, Melissa Jacobs, Justine Joli, Heather Vandeven, Aria Giovanni, Celeste Star, Krista Ayne, Martina Warren, Cali Taylor, Charlie Laine, Hanna Hilton, Valentina Vaughn and Brea Lynn.

Pets in attendance: Erica Ellyson, Jamie Lynn, Melissa Jacobs, Justine Joli, Heather Vandeven, Aria Giovanni, Celeste Star, Krista Ayne, Martina Warren, Cali Taylor, Charlie Laine, Hanna Hilton, Valentina Vaughn and Brea Lynn.

Pets in attendance: Erica Ellyson, Jamie Lynn, Melissa Jacobs, Justine Joli, Heather Vandeven, Aria Giovanni, Celeste Star, Krista Ayne, Martina Warren, Cali Taylor, Charlie Laine, Hanna Hilton, Valentina Vaughn and Brea Lynn.

Pets in attendance: Jamie Lynn, Cali Taylor, Justine Joli(Sept. 2007), Jamie Hammer(Nov. 2007), Erica Ellyson(Jan. 2007), Melissa Jacobs(Oct. 2005), Prinzzess(Oct. 2004), Martina Warren(Jan. 2003) and Brea Lynn(Nov. 2006)

Pets in attendance: Heather Vandeven (Pet of the Year 2007), Krista Ayne (Pet of the Year Runner-Up 2007), Jamie Lynn (Pet of the Year 2006), Martina Warren (Pet of the Year 2005), Victoria Zdrok (Pet of the Year 2004), Olivia Kent (Aug. 2006), Kimberly Rogers (Oct. 2006), Erica Ellyson (Jan. 2007), Andie Valentino (May 2007) and Kimberly Williams (June 2007).