Roadie Salute

I’m on a feature right now. In layman’s terms that means I’m on a celebrity guest stripper appearance. A strip club pays me per stage show and hopefully advertises the fuck out of it. I benefit from the base check, tips, and merchandise sales and the club benefits from the increased door fee and new clientele they could potentially pull and turn into regulars. And of course we are equally happy with the cross promotion. It’s a pretty sweet deal all around.

Then there are the costs. Features can’t just get up on stage in regular stripper gear. We have full blown costumes. A different one every show. As features climb the pay ladder their outfits become more elaborate, hence more expensive. My personal favorite outfit is my Batman one. Then again I would probably be fond of anything with a cape. I’ve seen girls spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their outfits. And of course they bring themed music for their shows. I don’t know where she found it but I once saw Sunny Leone dance to the song “little red riding hood .” She wore a little red riding hood and carried a wicker basket. Go figure.

The merchandise isn’t free either but with the mark up we can put on it no one complains. And the club usually covers the expense of travel and lodging. These are all predictable costs.

Very few people are aware that features use roadies though. I wasn’t even aware. I only found out that I was using a roadie when I was on my first feature and he told me to pay him. My first response was, “and who might you be sir?” He had been sent for me without my knowledge. I still use him on every single feature I do. His travel and lodging are negotiated into my contract same as mine. Here’s why:

1. When I shoot my tiny black thong into the middle of a dark room packed with people he tracks it down. He usually finds it in stranger’s pockets.

2. When I’m still sleeping the next morning he ventures out into the foreign town and tracks down replacements for torn fishnets, hijacked panties, burnt out blow dryers and empty cosmetics. He gets exactly what I need every time. It’s strange.

3. All requests go through him first. Therefore no one gets yelled at (except him).

4. He makes me eat. Not that I’m anorexic. I just don’t realize I’m hungry until two minutes before I have to go on stage. Same for peeing. He makes me pee like a parent would do with a five year old before a road trip.

5. He knows how to repair stripper heels.

6. He’ll buy tampons. And he’ll get the right kind every time. With a smile.

7. He always has flight info, contact info, hotel info, and the club contract in his back pocket. With a pen and a pack of gum.

8. He puts tips down to get the crowd started and throws money into stage games until the dudes catch on. If only it weren’t my own money he was contributing…

9. He makes me talk about it when I’m bitchy.

10. He pretends to care about things that I care about while he’s on the clock. He knows all of my horse’s nick names and when his shots are due. And he always knows where I left the book I was reading.

Right now he’s milling around with my thong from the last show still wrapped around his wrist. He’s unfolding crumpled up dollar bills and counting the money for me. He’s looking for my Bat mask. I don’t want to break his heart but I think I lost it in Columbus. He has me believing I‘d be lost without him. More than anything I’d probably just be lonely without him. Here’s to you, roadie.

Kayden Kross is an adult film actress and was Penthouse Pet of the Month September 2008. For more information about Kayden visit her Official Site at www.clubkayden.com