Pick up women as you drop pounds at the gym this new year. Penthouse Pet—and self-proclaimed gym rat-Lux Kassidy exposes the secret to getting physical with that spandex-clad vixen you’ve been eyeing.
By Jonathan Ages
THE DREADMILL
“If you’re going to approach a girl at the gym, do it when she’s on her way to the water fountain—not when she’s on the treadmill or in the middle of a set. I had one guy come up to me in the middle of a set and I just threw up a finger in his face. He didn’t say anything. He just put his head down, turned around, and walked away with his tail between his legs. The very worst time to approach a girl is when she’s on the leg abductor—the sex machine. I’d be really pissed if someone approached me when I’m spread-eagle on a machine.”
KEEP YOUR PANTS ON
“If a chick is interested, she’ll go up to a guy and ask him a workout question. Guys can’t do that, though. In fact, the next time a guy does that to me I’m gonna pants him!”
NO NIP SLIPS
“Do you know how many guys I’ve seen-and given a dirty look to-wearing those wife beaters that hang so low their effing nipples hang out?”
WHICH WAY TO THE BEACH?
“There’s this guy at my gym who, after every set, gets up and looks at his abs in the mirror. Flexing at the gym is a definite no-no.”
THREAD THE NEEDLE
“Classes can be a good place to pick up, ’cause at the end of a class there’s a bond between people. You’ve just experienced something together. And if you make eye contact with women during class they’ll know you’re hetero—unless you wear those short-ass short-shorts. Oh, and don’t fart in her face when you’re doing the downward-facing dog or whatever it’s called.”
EAU DE TOILET
“There is such a thing as deodorant, and there is no way that you work out so hard that you burn through it. If you smell bad, then you’ve either forgotten to put on deodorant or you’ve shit yourself. I’ve smelled guys in the gym who have stunk up the room so badly they’ve cleared out half of the weight-machine area. And whenever that guy comes over to my area, I tell him to go away. Clearly, I’m no angel.”
