Melissa Jacobs

Men do stupid things to impress women. Some of them work. Most don’t. We asked Pet Melissa Jacobs (October ‘05, Penthouse Pet) to draw the line between style and overkill.

Spritz, Don’t Blitz
“It’s one thing to smell good, but it’s another thing to smell like the cologne section of the department store. Spray the body a little bit, or spray it into the air and walk through the mist. I like to get a little close and get a nice whiff from your neck. It’s shouldn’t be where I can point you out from 15 feet away and say, ‘That guy is wearing Polo.’ Oh, and use lots of pit stick.”

Stubble Trouble
“I highly doubt that the kind of guy who shaves the pencil-thin beard knows how to please a woman. If you’re going to spend that much time on your beard, there’s something else to worry about. I would go for a guy with trimmed stubble. Some slight trimming is definitely worth the effort-so it doesn’t look like you’re lost in the woods or something-but I wouldn’t want to date that kind of guy. I wouldn’t want to have to wait for him to be ready to leave the house after spending so much time on his beard. It’s a double-edged sword.”

Gel and Damnation
“Perfect hair is creepy. I like the messy look. And I like it when I can run my fingers through it. It doesn’t have to be complete free of product, but there are other thing that you can use without looking like you just put a tub of glue in your hair. There is putty that will keep your hair soft. It’s okay if there are a few strands out of place.”

Stupid Hat Tricks
“I kinda like a guy who just wears his baseball cap backwars or maybe one of those new fedoras. But don’t stress for an hour over the way you wear it, that’s for sure. And I’ not going to be down with the hat if you’re trying to be all gangsta about it-you know, when it’s tilted and you;ve got the tag hanging off it as if you just bought it. I don’t care about the sticker. Just pull it off please! Somebody will get blinded by the flare and end up driving into a pole. Won’t you feel bad then?”

He’s Come Undone
“Oh God, I hate it if a guy has his shirt all open! It’s so cheesy. Having one or two buttons undone at the top to look more casual and not so uptight definitely works. Otherwise, you look like you’re trying to be some Italian stud or something.”

The Naked Ape
“I am not a fan of waxed chests. I guess if you’re a body builder and it’s for the pure aesthetic of it, fine. But even then, I think you should just stay leave it. But if you’re super, super hairy-like Robin Williams-I guess I understand.”

By Jonathan Ages