Sure, every guy wants foreign stamps in his sexual passport, but our twenty-first-century rogue tells you why hitting on your fellow tourists is the secret to getting laid on your European tour.

 

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Illustration by Celia Calle

 

My boys and I are planning an epic month-long trip after college graduation. We’re going to backpack through Paris, Rome, Barcelona, and any other city full of hot chicks that our Eurail pass can take us. I know European women are supposed to be more sexually liberated than American girls, but I’m not sure about the approach. Should I play it off like I’m a sophisticated world traveler, or play up the American jock thing they don’t have in Europe? What will bring the most chicks back to my hostel?

I am a firm believer that it doesn’t count as a vacation if you don’t get laid. You can climb the Eiffel Tower, take a selfie with the “Mona Lisa,” see a show at the Moulin Rouge, and it’s still essentially a school field trip. So how do you get the most new stamps in your sexual passport? I understand your desire to “Eurail” the local talent at every stop, but expect a high failure rate. There’s an old saying (that I just made up) that goes, “When in Rome … do a tourist.” As a tourist, the easiest girls to hook up with are fellow tourists. They’re far from home, they don’t have to be up for work/school in the morning, and—just like you—they’re looking for a good time. You think some mamacita in Madrid wants to spend all night in half-assed Spanglish conversation with some dude living out of a backpack who’ll bounce the next day? No. She doesn’t want to go back to your hostel or bring a drifter—that’s you—to her place. This is her hometown, where she has built a life and a reputation. What you need is another drifter, one who will have no problem jumping into the top bunk with you and a bottle of vino.

Travel guides always recommend doing as the locals do. Don’t. (Let me spoil it for you: They’re waking up at six in the morning to go to work, then drowning their sorrows in the local hooch.) Instead, visit every main attraction. Any art museum or falling-apart castle in Europe is crawling with women from somewhere else. Hit up the places a local would never be caught dead in, and get to work. Just walk up to a girl and say hi. Ask where she’s from, how long she’s staying, talk about how crazy and awesome the city is. Invite her and her friends to meet you for a drink later. After that, you can’t lose.

Ready for an advanced lesson? You don’t even need a plane ticket. If you live in a town or city that draws tourists, it’s easy pickings. Hang out in hotel bars, chain restaurants, and dive joints across the street from hotels. You can deliver that genuine [insert your city here] experience she can’t wait to tell her friends back home about.

 

From the June 2015 issue of Penthouse