Since media coverage of Clay has been incredibly one-sided and negative, Penthouse thought it would be refreshing to have the comic speak for himself. Special Features Editor Allan Sonnenschein requested a few hours of the comic’s time, but before he realized what was happening, he had spent a long week with Dice in Brooklyn. Coming out of his daze, Sonnenschein recalls:
“I find it difficult to believe that anyone who has written about Andrew Dice Clay has ever met him; perhaps they’ve chosen only to see the character on-stage — the Diceman. Part of the real world of Andrew Dice Clay that I saw included Trini, Andrew’s beautiful girlfriend and the mother of their baby son Max; Fred Silverstein, Clay’s devoted father and business manager; his first fan, his sister Natalie; and ’Hot Tub’ Johnny, the best friend we all should have. Andrew is devoted to these people, and with the interview that follows, perhaps many others will learn the difference between the man onstage and Andrew Dice Clay.
Describe your perfect woman.
Clay: Think of the perfect Boy Scout: loyal, disciplined, obedient.
Now let’s talk about real women. Your ex-wife, for example.
Clay: In my heart, I don’t have an ex-wife. She only exists in a courtroom. Knowwhatlmean?
Okay, so let’s talk about a woman you like. Tell us about Trini, your girlfriend.
Clay: She can actually make me laugh, which no girl ever did. She’s very open-minded with her sense of humor, so I can hang with her. We’re together over four years, ya hear?
How did you meet her?
Clay: When I was doing “Crime Story” in Chicago, ya hear? I had already filed for divorce, still going through the whole head thing. I was looking for some place to eat one day — I was wearing these real colorful shorts; I call them Bobby the Beef-Puppet shorts. I pass this place called P S. Chicago and there’s knocking on the window and this guy comes out and he goes, “Dice, I don’t believe it’s you.” Then, when I had a fan, it was like “Wow, I got a fan,” you bar and say hello to my friend Rocco.” So I go in and him and his friend Rocco were playing pinball and there was this cute little blonde standing there and she’s not talking. I’m in character for them — I go, “Who’s the dumb blonde that don’t talk?” She looks at me and goes, “You must be from Brooklyn.” That was it. We didn’t part since.
So are you going to get married again?
Clay: I don’t know. We’re happy, we just had a baby. To say I got a son, you know, is just great. I just picture when he’s 16 and I open up a closet with 300 leather jackets in it for him. The kid is going to freak out. I also have this old 1970 Coupe DeVille Cadillac that I call the Dicemobile. I bought that car for like $2,400 about eight years ago. I’ve always loved it and I always said to Trini, “When I make it big, I’m going to do the car.” ’Cause through the years. it got to the point where the car was just sitting in the garage in like an inch of dust, the seats are ripped, it didn’t move, the motor was gone, everything. But I couldn’t give the car up. Rick Rubin took the car to redo it, says, “This is.my birthday gift to you, but it’s going to take a few weeks.” Nine months and three days later, he drives up to the house, the car is in mint condition. That’s all I drive. The Dicemobile lives, and I’m going to save that car for Max.
Is that your son’s name?
Clay: Yeah. I picture that he’ll say it with an attitude, like when somebody says, “What’s your name,” he’ll go, “Max — how far you want to take it?”
Do you think differently about the world now that you’ve got a kid?
Clay: Oh yeah. I worry about how I’m going to bring him up. But he’s not going to know the stage act, he’s going to know me. He’ll be incredible. Because he has two parents who are both very streetwise. You know, when Trini got pregnant, I started thinking about our sex life. I mean, I think every guy does. So I spoke to her, that’s the kind of girl Trini is, she goes, “Look, if it’s going to destroy our sex life, don’t go in the delivery room.” She wasn’t like a nag that goes. “I can’t believe that I’m the one that has to go through it, and you’re going to stand out in the waiting room and smoke three packs of cigarettes.” The bottom line is, I ran into this guy, A.D., who I hadn’t seen in years, and he said, “If she’s in your heart. you’ll go in.” I come home and I tell Trini, “You’re in my heart, right? I’m coming in the delivery room.” I went in, I wore my baggies, I wore my Everlast shirt that I’m wearing now. When it was time, I didn’t think I was going to look, but I saw that kid coming right out.
You watched it?
Clay: I watched it, I cut the cord, and I was holding him two seconds later. It was just an unbelievable moment, knowwhatl mean?
How are you going to bring up your son?
Clay: I want him to do whatever he wants to do. You want to be a mechanic, go be a mechanic; you want to be in show business, fine. As long as you get your hair cut by Giuseppe Franco, hairdresser to real men. And I want him to know the value of money. I film everything all the time, talk to him on the camera and say, “Max, when you watch this tape, you’re going to realize what happened here,” and this and that, so he’ll know that his father was thinking 20 years ago to tell him things about life.