Memorial Day 2021

Article by Team Penthouse

Every day should be a memorial of some kind, as we live trying to make proud those who care about us. On this one day, though, we honor those we never knew.

A Grateful Memorial Pause

First, lest we forget the actual meaning of this day where we remember those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for millions of people they never even met…

Then, lest we become overly maudlin from the sheer weight of trying to understand that sacrifice, we will dally briefly in what Penthouse Magazine assures us represents “honest opinions” from “women” and “what turns them on (and off) about a man upon seeing him for the first time.” … Not only could we not make this stuff up, we would not actually wish to. That said, we did get to use “lest” twice in one article, and that doesn’t happen every day. So let’s see what we learn.

A Man Walks Into a [Memorial] Bar

The one thing I look straight at when a guy walks into the room is his face, so grooming is important. Facial hair is fine (if anything, it’s encouraged!) but it should be properly maintained.Emily, 23

Whether or not the gentleman has seen the inside of a barber shop this year. The second is probably his shirt; does it have an obnoxious slogan on it (a massive no-no)? Is it well ironed? Does it fit well?Maddy, 25

One of the little things I’ll notice about a guy’s appearance is his fingernails. A small detail that says a lot about a man’s grooming habits.Kate, 25

I definitely notice their confidence. If they aren’t holding themselves with pride then I know they won’t be looking for an equally strong woman … I like a challenge!Alice, 31

I notice someone who’s laughing, who’s having a good time, who feels comfortable in their own skin. There’s nothing worse than someone who walks in and looks scared and intimidated.Ally, 24

I think a great pair of shoes says a lot about a guy. Battered-up sneakers or those super-shiny cheap dress shoes you’ve had since your high school prom screams immaturity to me. Men would be shocked by how many women clock their shoes the minute they walk into a room.Claire, 29

What he’s wearing. A man’s sense of style says a lot about his personality.Lydia, 28

So basically, try not to look like, act like, or smell like, a pig. … Not exactly earth-shattering revelations, these, which for the record would apply to anyone looking for anyone — women for men, women for women, men for men, non-binary gender neutral for old hippie that don’t know what to do. You get the picture.

Magazines always feel the need to give advice, which must be necessary because people have been buying advice in them for years. Of course we cannot be quite sure how much to trust these particular experts, because they all have numbers for a last name, which seems weird, and really not all that trustworthy. The Memorial Day video experts, though, we can trust them implicitly (and should follow them anywhere).

By the way, you may be interested in a fun historical fact. It may even change some of your views about our modern life — and the truly horrible political bickering that seems to dominate it.

Consider the discovery of a May 1865 Charleston South Carolina newspaper article which noted that one of the first actions of the slaves freed in the area was to celebrate and thank the Union soldiers who had been captured by the Confederacy and left to die of exposure and disease in prison camps — ultimately being dumped in mass graves. The intent, then, with this first-ever event came about when thousands of freed slaves sought to honor men who had died for them with … a memorial monument and event. It became a federal holiday in 1971 where the tradition became one to honor all military veterans. While absolutely appropriate these days, knowing how something like our own Memorial Day began never hurts. … Reading is good.