Hometown: Logan, Utah
“When I was 20 I worked as a wardrobe stylist and assistant puppeteer for a children’s TV show, about rock stars in space. I had to get everyone dressed in their alien rock star costumes every morning, then spend the rest of the day animating a robot puppet who played keyboard in a fictional rock band. It was an eventful job.”
You grew up Mormon, right?
Okay! So I have to ask … is “basting” a real thing?
Oh my God! You know about basting? We also called it “marinating” or “soaking”. Mormon’s aren’t allowed to have sex until marriage, so the loophole is that if you penetrate but don’t move, you’re not really engaging in sex. Super kinky.
Do you have to be soft when you put it in or pull out? Doesn’t that part count as moving?
I don’t know. I’ve never done it. I’m not that weird.
But you do have a magical vagina, right?
You mentioned your vagina would tip you off when you’re ready to have sex with a guy.
(Laughs) Yeah. Science.
My whole body reacts. I get a really good feeling — an indicator that we have good chemistry. My vagina and body chemistry will react long before my consciousness will.
So it’s safe to assume you’ve had only amazing sexual experiences, right?
I was seeing this guy years ago. I realize now that he must have been a virgin. It was like having sex with a bunny rabbit. He needed to slow down…but instead, he came really early and said that it was the best sex he’d ever had. How did I not know he was a virgin?
Strange how some guys would rather power through than share a potential vulnerability.
That’s why I like communication so much. I can handle just about anything if you fucking talk to me.
Like you were able to handle your old job as a Walmart cashier? People of Walmart — accurate or exaggerated?
It’s absolutely accurate. My favorite was a woman who came through my checkout line with 30 boxes of frozen pizza, two giant chocolate bars, and a package of stool softener. People get weird in Walmart.