Seven Movies with WTF Sex Scenes
Let us suggest some Happy Viewing as you let your mind wander into its own memories. Always remember, however: It’s only a movie. …
SAUSAGE PARTY (2016)
Where do you even start with Seth Rogen’s R-rated animated food-fucking monstrosity that is the film Sausage Party? From Nazis to zombie sweet corn, the whole film is cooked, but it’s the orgy scene that really takes this film from weird to totally bonkers.
The scene includes the unable-to-be-unseen visuals of a hotdog thrusting into a hotdog bun, a Twinkie receiving anal sex, sticks of fresh gum giving a chewed-up piece of gum a lap dance, a mushroom giving a radish a blowjob and Sammy Bagel Jr. (Edward Norton) eating the ass of Kareem Abdul Lavash, the pita bread (David Krumholtz). Still hungry?
HOWARD THE DUCK (1986)
In Howard the Duck, a humanoid duck with a fondness for cigars and reading Playduck magazine, is beamed to Earth, where young Lea Thompson takes him in. In the film, the pair joke about hooking up, and the dialogue becomes increasingly uncomfortable. “Maybe it’s not a man you should be looking for,” says Howard, to which Lea responds, “Ah, you think I might find luck in the animal kingdom, Duckie?” Thankfully, Howard ducks out before things get really odd. The ’80s were a strange time.
The sex scenes in David Cronenberg’s Crash are proof that not everything sexual is sexy. The scenes in Crash operate purely on a sliding scale of repulsiveness and include an episode where James Spader has sex with a scar resembling a vagina on Rosanna Arquette’s thigh and another where Spader deliberately gets involved in a car accident with Deborah Kara Unger and fucks her as she crawls away from the wreck.
THE ROOM (2003)
Pick any sex scene in this bizarre film — and there are many — and you’ll see some of the most awkward attempts at intercourse. One scene in particular involves Tommy Wiseau, unable to grasp the absolute basics of anatomy, as he moans and groans while intensely humping what can only be a woman’s belly button. Like the film itself, the sex scenes are awkward and feel like they’re never going to end.
Let’s just ignore the fact that the storyline of Gigli suggests the thought of murdering someone could turn a lesbian into a heterosexual and focus on the fact that J.Lo dropped from a 10 to a two when she tries to initiate some cunnilingus with Ben Affleck by uttering the words, “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble.” No thanks(giving).
THE DEVILS (1971)
Director Ken Russell’s infamous, blasphemous The Devils might just take the cake when it comes to the most demented sex scenes in a movie. First, there’s the famous “Rape of Christ,” where an orgy of nuns masturbate on a statue of Jesus on the cross. Then there’s the scene in which the hunchbacked Sister Jeanne des Anges (Vanessa Redgrave) masturbates with the charred femur bone of Urbain Grandier, a Catholic priest who was executed in 1634 on charges of witchcraft. Jesus Christ, indeed.
Chucky — a homicidal “Good Guy” doll, voiced by Brad Dourif — and his equally bloodthirsty doll villainess, Tiffany Valentine (Jennifer Tilly), have sex in the fourth installment of the Child’s Play slasher franchise. What else is there to say, really? What has been seen cannot be unseen.
A truly comprehensive list would be exhausting, albeit quite fun to compile. The darned editors here keep putting time limits on our joy, though, using evil terms like deadline and posing mean sentences like, “You do want to get paid, don’t you?” Some theories attribute this behavior to the fact that editors have no souls, but we have been unable to prove that because, y’know, deadlines. … Should you have examples of other bizarre potential pairings in cinematic excess of your own, do use our handy-dandy Contact Form to send us down some cheery roads of our own. … For the record, we did intentionally leave out the adult movie parody category a la Edward Penishands intentionally. Porn opens a portal to an entirely different world of couplings straining credulity. And people say those women can’t act…