On December 9, 2018, a few months after Hannah Gadsby (a self-proclaimed “comedian”) managed to scientifically verify why Hitchens’s “Why Women Aren’t Funny” was prophetic, something sexist happened. Under the cacophony of social justice clap-backs; during the rise of the Congresswoman as Teen Vogue blogger; during Gadsby’s tragicomic rise in popularity, something even more hideously humorless happened: Titania McGrath, the pseudonym of a satirist who tweets like a radical feminist writing for Teen Vogue, was suspended by Twitter for being funny, actually, funny.
McGrath, who has an on-brand avatar that looks like a depressingly progressive yoga teacher, is basically undisguisable from who McGrath is making fun of with her gags, like her SlutWalk to protest Islamophobia meme. McGrath’s tweets provide a necessary release for English-speaking people tired of being humiliated for being pale, apathetic to veganism, or simply pro-comedy. I suppose this is why Ricky Gervais likes McGrath’s tweets. I suppose this is also why she was reprimanded by the POC police at Twitter.
McGrath, whose real identity is as mysterious as the gender of a 20-year-old Islamic Evergreen student-activist in a burka, has told us something we can actually unveil: This week, UK publisher Little, Brown is releasing her first book, Woke: A Guide to Social Justice, a work of satire designed to teach young girls how to be authoritarian herbivores and spoiled student-activists.
McGrath was reinstated by Twitter after a 24-hour ban where, presumably, Twitter’s moderators had no idea she was a parody of the woke puritans they continuously shove down our throats with nauseating “Twitter Moments,” the pop-up ads of the Trump-era. McGrath currently has over 182,000 followers on Twitter; about 80 percent are in on the joke, while the rest are precisely why McGrath is the most magnificently played troll of bourgeois society, well, since the invention of that misogynistic and phallocentric genre of theater known as vaudeville.
A self-described “radical intersectional poet,” Titania agreed to be interviewed on the grounds that she was given unprecedented editorial control over her semi-nude photoshoot, like Beyoncé in the September issue of Vogue. The only difference being that Titania McGrath isn’t a deep-state plant.
[Disclaimer: The paragraphs above and the interview that follows are works of political satire. They are not meant to be protested or taken literally.]
Penthouse: Do you believe Twitter banning your account was the result of a clerical error?
Titania McGrath: Absolutely not. Twitter is run by crypto-fascists who seek to suppress woke voices and enable the far right. If that weren’t the case, why wouldn’t they ban all accounts that I disagree with?
They reinstated your account in 24 hours. Were you at all annoyed by their lack of resolve?
Once I was banned, the online woke community was in [an] uproar. My disciples were barraging Jack Dorsey and his minions with complaints, and some activists had chained themselves to the gates of Twitter HQ smeared in menses as a protest again this obvious act of misogyny. Inevitably, Twitter caved under pressure, which just goes to show how weak they are.
Will you ever change your avatar?
I change it every other week. You just haven’t noticed because I only have one facial expression.
Why are you blonde?
I do not identify as a blonde. Please do not assume my hair color.
Do you view Margaret Thatcher as a feminist icon?
I view her as a wretched harpy who was only a “woman” in a strictly biological sense.
Have you read History vs Women by Ebony Adams and Anita Sarkeesian?
I have no interest in written works that I have not directly authored.
Who would you have included in their list of “heroic” women erased from history?
Do you ever feel guilty when someone takes your tweets seriously?
I am incapable of guilt. But more to the point, why wouldn’t they take my tweets seriously? I am dismantling the patriarchy, one tweet at a time.
Do you believe men’s lifestyle magazines should focus more on [other genders’]?
The concepts of “men” and “women” are outdated expressions of biological essentialism. There is no such thing as sexual dimorphism. Men need to get this into their thick skulls.
Is misogyny different in British and American men?
Males are males, irrespective of their country of origin. To even identify as male involves a seething hatred of women. If a man hasn’t transitioned to female, he’s a misogynist.
What do you believe is the appropriate punishment for the following misogynists: 1) Aziz Ansari. 2) Louis CK?
1) Death by hemlock.
2) Death by fire.
Comedian Ricky Gervais has liked a number of your tweets. Do you care?
I did not consent for this straight white male to retweet or like any of my tweets. I consider it an act of sexual violence.
Please define “woke.”
I don’t need to. I am the living definition of woke.
Who is the publisher of your book?
Little, Brown. It’s the most radical book they have ever published. In a sense I regret accepting an offer from such a mainstream company, but on the other hand, it was a generous advance and I’m saving up for a new broodmare.
Will your book be available at Revolution Books (located near the campus of UC Berkeley)?
I hope so. I wish to offer whatever support I can to those brave students and Antifa activists standing up against the tyranny of free speech.
Who is the target demo of your book?
The book is aimed at those who fail in their wokeness. Anyone except me in other words.
Are you more inclined to read the Guardian or the Daily Mirror?
What a fucking stupid question. In terms of newspapers, I only ever read the Guardian. They’re the only publication that prioritizes feelings over facts.
You’ve accused British Prime Minister Winston Churchill of being a white supremacist. Fair enough, but does he have any redeeming qualities that woke people can appreciate?
None whatsoever. Winston Churchill did more to enable the spread of fascism than any other figure in human history.
Do you believe joining “Food Not Bombs” should be mandatory?
I’ve never heard of “Food Not Bombs.” But you can’t eat a bomb, so it sounds sensible to me.
What’s your favorite vegan restaurant?
Tabitha Loxley’s Herbivore Snug. I perform slam poetry there on Friday evenings after my amateur hemp-weaving class.
Do you plan on having children?
Reproduction is unnecessary. If Darwin was right, we are likely to evolve out of such primitive behavior.
Have you ever had consensual sex to Mort Garson’s “Plantasia”?
There is no such thing as consensual sex. All sex is rape.
Be the judge: Is Axl Rose actually “woke”?
Given that his name is an anagram of “Oral Sex” his very existence is an act of rape.
Is it fair to say that Hannah Gadsby’s comedy is only funny if you’re a manic-depressive?
Hannah Gadsby is a genius. If you find yourself laughing at stand-up comedy, it probably isn’t sufficiently progressive.
Do you view politically-incorrect comedy as a gateway to the alt-right?
It’s not a “gateway.” It’s a direct form of fascism. Politically incorrect comedians are literally Hitler.
Who is your favorite female comedian?
I like it when Kathy Griffin points out that Donald Trump has small hands and orange skin.
Comedian Sebastian Maniscalco recently referred to Apple AirPods as “bitch” pods. Should someone take him down?
The state should intervene in such cases of hate speech. The death penalty shouldn’t be out of the question.
What’s your favorite Jim Carrey movie?
I have no interest in movies that do not feature a trans black lesbian in the lead role.
Is the gay actor Stephen Fry alt-right for standing up against political correctness?
By refusing to do so, he can no longer claim to be gay. All LBGTQIA+ people think exactly the same way and forfeit their queerness if they stray from the righteous path. It’s the same reason that Kanye West ceased to be black once he declared his support for Donald Trump.
Have you ever wished death upon someone because of a simple disagreement?
Every single day of my adult life.
Do you believe Oscar Wilde, as evidenced by the character of Lord Henry in The Picture of Dorian Gray, was a misogynist?
All men are misogynists. All works of fiction by males should be incinerated.
Was Wilde a colonizer?
In a sense. When a male author puts pen to paper, they are normalizing the pernicious notion that writing is a specifically male endeavor. Even an illiterate woman would make a better writer than Wilde.
How can I, as an accused misogynist, be a better ally?