Tips from a Male Prostitute

Article by Team Penthouse

Men’s motives, Frank has learned, can run the gamut, from a simple desire to have their women brought to orgasm to the satisfaction of deeper and sometimes darker longings. “A lot of guys,” Frank says, “are just sexually lazy. They just don’t want to take the time to turn a woman on. Their idea of a sex life is, I’ve got a hard-on, let me stick it inside you till I come. But they think they’re nice guys. They say, ‘You want to get off? I’ll take you over to see Frank. He’s a professional.'”

Occasionally the motive can be sexual competition, in which the man uses the bedroom as a sort of Superdome and Frank as a worthy adversary. “I had a black couple once,” says Frank, “where it looked like the guy was using me to compete with him. His wife took a long, long time to come, and it turned into a sort of sexual Olympics, like who could fuck her the longest and who would be in the game when she finally got off. But I didn’t really get into the competitive aspect of it. To tell the truth, I got really bored. I was saying to myself the whole way through, Geez, is this going to go on all night long?”

Some couples seem to want to use the threesome as a forum for their own arguments—two shrews in need of taming.

“I remember one couple: the guy was a voyeur, and the girl was an out-and-out fox. I started out massaging her, and while I was doing it he kept saying, ‘Why don’t you suck him? Grab his cock?’ And she started arguing back, saying, ‘Why don’t you?’ Well, he couldn’t get it up because he needed to see something happening, and nothing can happen because they’re sitting there arguing. I’m off to the side thinking, What the hell is this? And I’m having trouble getting it up myself.”

“Finally she gets really mad. She looks at me and says, ‘Okay, let’s do it.’ Well, she wasn’t really ready for anything. She was completely dry because of all the arguing. But somehow we managed to do it, and afterward she warmed up a little bit. I think she was trying to rub it in with her husband by being nice to me.”

Occasionally Frank works for couples whose needs fall at the loonier end of the spectrum.

“A girl calls me one night and says, ‘My husband wants you to come over and fuck me.’ Well, fine, it’s nice to have people be really straight with you on the phone. Then she says, ‘Well, it’s kind of strange—he’s going to be under the bed.’ So I think, Oh, he must be an audio freak. He likes to listen to the sounds. So when I get there she tells me, ‘Okay, we’re going into the bedroom and there’s going to be a hole in the bed. He’s burned this hole in the bed, and he wants you to place me over the hole while you do things to me.'”

“Well, sure enough, there’s a hole in the bed, and this guy’s underneath it somewhere. I can’t even see him. Now, in the process of making love, I like to move around and change positions because it’s more fun that way. Well, naturally, if I move around she’s going to leave the hole. So I guess he must have moved over and stuck his head up from under the bed to see where we were. Right at that moment, I happened to put my head down, and I stuck my thumb right in the guy’s eye. I hear this huge ow!, and then his wife and I start to giggle. I mean, she thought the whole thing was ridiculous anyway. We got to giggling so bad that we just couldn’t go on.”

Originally published in the June 1983 issue of Penthouse magazine. But male prostitutes still exist.